Authentic leadership

Humans are drawn to authenticity. In the workplace, it’s well established that authenticity can impact directly on employee engagement, job satisfaction, and performance.

People generally want to be engaged and committed to what they're doing, to feel as if their work matters and to believe in their leaders. Authenticity plays a key role in building the confidence, loyalty and trust needed to connect leaders with their team whilst a lack of openness, trust and follow though, can result in uncomfortable working relationships.

By being genuine, self-aware and transparent, an authentic leader displays who they are as a person and can share their sense of purpose so employees become happier, more comfortable, and more productive.

In the post pandemic world, organisations of all sizes will benefit from authentic leaders who behave with integrity and consistency and can build the relationships needed to overcome current and future challenges to move their business forward.

Overcoming challenges and limiting beliefs

Michelle Kuei was permanently disabled as a result of a hit and run car accident when she was 11 years old. Growing up in a society and culture where beauty is weighted heavily on appearance, the stories that she was telling herself were harsh, brutal, and cruel. For many years, she allowed many of her negative beliefs about herself to rule. The idea of loving herself felt strange and she was afraid to be seen and known. Her story is one of courage, determination, and vulnerability. But more importantly, it is about having the confidence to face fear in everyday life. Facing our own worst enemy, facing our own judgments and harsh criticism. By letting go of her own judgments, she allowed who she is to flow freely and accept herself with unconditional love.

When she was growing up Michelle always thought that she didn’t belong. A lot of it came from not feeling good about herself, she didn’t see herself as normal. There was a lot of judgement involved. Self-criticism and putting herself down every time she wanted to try something new. Growing up was pretty challenging because the way she looked made her stand out.  During the recovery period after the accident she had to wear metal braces that were attached to an ugly pair of shoes. Michelle couldn't find anything to match. She was 15 years old and struggling with her body image, not feeling good about herself and struggling to communicate with her peers. When she arrived from Taiwan she didn't speak English at all, didn't know how to converse with people or express who she was. There was a lot of holding back and feeling she didn’t belong anywhere.

Many people feel they don't belong so you need to get to point of self-acceptance. Michelle feels her self-acceptance started to come into play later when she had reached a point where she was trying to figure out who she was when having a relationship with other people. In her 30s she wanted to go into the dating world and every time she went out on a date she felt she was looking for validation from someone to like her for who she was. She had a big question mark of exactly who am I? She was looking for the help or identity whilst trying to fit into the pieces of the puzzle and be considered as a normal person. Through that journey, she realised that finding yourself is not something that you find or seek from elsewhere. It’s not something external. It’s really a journey where you go inwards. That was one of her aha moments. One day she was crying for no reason, looking around and feeling completely lost and not knowing who she was. She was doing a lot of people pleasing, pretending to be normal, going out and looking for outside validation. Inside she felt she was an empty hole trying to feel and never felt complete. At this point she realised that no one was coming to save her so she had to save herself.

Michelle feels that finding yourself is not an activity that you do outside of yourself. She believes that your being is naturally happening. You already are. There is no doubt you are perfect, brave or beautiful but in our overall consciousness that waking up to the moment of realising that who you are is already happening, is already perfect. None of us are really finding anything outside of us. There are a lot of things that happen to us in life, events, injuries, trauma or divorce. With any type of life event happens we try to protect ourselves so we cover ourselves to survive and continue living. A life event such as the pandemic makes people withdraw and disassociate to protect themselves and others from things they used to care for. When people do that they go into a victim mindset - things always happen to me and only bad things will happen to me. What we are saying to ourselves, our inner voice or the way we speak to ourselves means the way we create stories in our mind leads to a lot of resistance and fighting that we have to go through. Whether it's a relationship with another or ourselves, the story we are living in and telling ourselves matters. Part of the challenge is to recreate your own narrative.

Becoming and unbecoming is part of the process. Under the impression that we have to become something to be something, in reality there is nothing that you need to become – you already are. The realisation is that we pick up all these beliefs and societal constructs or limiting beliefs as we go through our life journey but a lot of them don’t belong to us. There is an unconscious bias about how a woman should be, how she should behave, how she should dress. All of these are external limitations that play upon on a woman but who created that construct? Not me, I am perfect just the way I am!  I have a voice and an opinion and when appropriate and when asked I will share my expression and voice. Its about unbecoming not becoming. Becoming sounds like someone had an expectation and you need to follow thorough in order to become and fit in that expectation. Unbecoming is coming from realising that who you are is at the core. The value that you hold in your life, the belief that you have and how you want to show up. Looking inward bring inwardness out. It feels like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. You are not becoming the external version of yourself, you are becoming the internal version of yourself assuming that the internal version is gold.

Michelle is optimistic that everyone is born perfect. The definition of perfectness is something that exists outside of us that people are placing and helping us to understand. The human brain does not understand anything that is not labelled. We learn words, phrases, language and stories because we are trained to give meaning to the things that we don’t understand. The fact that being perfect is actually something someone else has defined for us. Michelle’s theory is that we need to redefine that perfection, we need to redefine perfectness because you are already perfect for who you are at this very moment.

The desire to be a perfectionist is actually perfect. Everyone is on a journey so if we are trying to be a perfectionist there is a desire inside of us to accomplish. If we take out the negativity and the connotation that being a perfectionist is something bad, being a perfectionist just means you want to make sure that what you present and when you present yourself you are the best version of who you are. The idea of being a perfectionist is not a bad thing. Our mind thinks it's a bad thing but in reality perfectionists are just doing things at their best. A lot of perfectionists suffer from anxiety because they can’t live up to their own perception of themselves. There is a discrepancy in terms of coming to the realisation that my perfectionism is perfect versus my perfectionism is really causing me to be anxious and debilitated. It’s about how our relationship to the word and how the expectation was set in force.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Michelle at https://elevatelifecoaching.org

Leadership in the remote workplace: Opportunities and challenges

The combination of technological advances and shifting cultural norms has resulted in the remote work trend continuing to grow in popularity as numerous companies embrace this new way of working. 

However, with the rise of remote work, there is an increasing need for leaders who can motivate and inspire team members from a distance. Effective leadership in the remote workplace requires a different set of skills than traditional office management.

The rise of this new setup in the virtual world has presented new challenges for leaders. How can leaders effectively lead a team when everyone is working in different locations? And how can they leverage the opportunities that come with a more dispersed workforce?

In this blog, I'll be discussing the challenges and opportunities of remote leadership. Leadership in the remote workplace can be difficult because leaders can't always rely on face-to-face communication. However, there are many opportunities to take advantage of when leading a team remotely. Keep reading to learn more!

The opportunities in leading a remote team

Leading a team remotely can present a number of opportunities. For example, it can allow leaders to build a more diverse team, as they are not limited to candidates who live in their area. It allows them to tap into a global labor market.

It can also allow leaders to create a more flexible work schedule, as the traditional 9-5 workday does not bind them. It can improve work-life balance. This can be a huge convenience when managing time and meeting deadlines.

Additionally, leading in a virtual world can help leaders develop their communication and organizational skills, as they will need to effectively communicate with their team members in different time zones.

Opportunities to be innovative and experiment with new ways of working are also beneficial for leading a remote team. This can include experimenting with different communication methods, such as utilizing video conferencing instead of email or developing new corporate policies based on input from everyone in the organization.

In addition to these practical benefits, working remotely also encourages a broader mindset, encouraging all members of a team to think creatively about how to succeed in their roles and what is best for the company as a whole.

The challenges of leading a team remotely

One of the biggest challenges is maintaining team cohesion. Without the daily interactions that take place in an office setting, it can be difficult to build relationships and stimulate a sense of teamwork.

Additionally, remote work can make it harder to monitor employee productivity and identify issues early on. As a result, leaders need to find new ways to stay connected with their team members and ensure everyone is on track.

Another challenge is managing expectations. When members are not present in the same physical space, it can be difficult to manage deadlines and ensure everyone is on the same page. This is why leaders need to overcommunicate and provide clear guidelines.

Communication is also a challenge. With team members working in different locations, there can be a lot of miscommunication. It's important to find ways to effectively communicate with the team, whether that's through video conferencing, instant messaging, or another method.

There can also be technical challenges, such as internet connection issues or problems with video conferencing. These challenges can be frustrating, but it's important to remember that they are not insurmountable.

Lastly, remote work can be lonely and isolating. This is why it is significant for leaders to make an effort to connect with their team members on a personal level. 

Effective strategies for leading a remote team

One key strategy for leading a remote team is establishing clear communication guidelines and protocols. It is important to set expectations around how and when leaders will communicate with the team members and ensure that everyone follows these guidelines consistently.

In addition to establishing communication protocols, it is also important to adopt different communication methods that work well in a remote setting. For example, video conferencing can be used for team meetings, while instant messaging can be utilized for quick questions or updates.

During a video conference, encourage an open webcam policy so that team members can see each other and build relationships. Participants may use an online webcam testing tool to check their setup before the meeting.

When communicating with the team, it is also important to be clear and concise. This will help to avoid miscommunication and ensure that everyone is on the same page. Make certain to provide a written record of team communication, such as in a shared document or chat log.

In addition to these strategies, it is important to foster a culture of trust and respect within the remote team. Leaders should make extra effort to connect with their team members on a personal level and set aside time for relationship building over video chat or email.

Summing It Up

Leadership in the remote workplace is a new and evolving field. There are multiple opportunities for those willing to take on the challenge, but there are also several matters that should be considered. 

Leaders in the remote workplace need to focus on communication, culture, and trust. Communication is crucial to be certain everyone is on the same page. Culture helps employees feel connected to their work even when they're not physically present. Trust allows employees to feel comfortable taking risks.

Ultimately, for anyone who is eager to shake up their routine and find new ways of working, being at the helm of a remote team can be an exciting opportunity indeed. It might not be without its challenges, but these can all be overcome with the right approach.

Guest Blog Author

Jennesa Ongkit is a content writer for VEED.IO and an all-around wordsmith. In her spare time, Jennesa enjoys reading books, watching movies, and playing with her pets.

Mastering the nine pillars of resilience

Dr Stephen Sideroff started his career as a research looking at a learning and memory. He then moved into clinical work where he quickly realised stress was a major modulator of how people felt. They could be feeling really good but as soon as the amount of stress in their life increased, their coping abilities become strained and they began to develop different kinds of symptoms. He realised that if he helped people deal with stress it would help in all areas of their lives.

Dr Sideroff feels that people have a lot of ambivalence about managing stress because not all stress is bad and also because many of our successes are accompanied by stress. Because of this he switched to a more positive concept of resilience that he finds people are more attuned to.  As a result he developed his own nine pillar model of resilience. Stephen’s nine pillars encompass three different areas:

1. Relationships

a. Relationship with self. This is the foundation of all the other pillars. How you relate to yourself. Do you come from a place of love, acceptance and compassion or from a place of judgement, criticism and negativity.

b. Relationship with others. Do you have good boundaries. Can you make good choices in who you choose as people to relate to. If you have no choice eg a boss or colleague can you maintain good boundaries so you don't absorb negative or conflictual energy.

c. Relationship with something greater. This includes spirituality and having meaning in life. Having purpose or giving service, something that connects you to the larger community.

2. Balance and Mastery

a.    Physical balance and mastery. This is usually what people refer to when they talk about stress management.  Being able to relax readily, getting a good night’s sleep and being able to keep your nervous system in a place of balance.

b. Cognitive balance and mastery. This is about having a positive outlook and expectations. It doesn't mean you ignore dangers but once you've planned for them and handled them you switch into a more positive frame of reference.

c. Emotional balance and mastery.  Are you able to notice feelings that arise in your body and do you handle them appropriately so that you can let them move through and out of your body and not carry any excess emotional baggage

3. How we engage in the world

a.    Presence. People usually refer to being aware of your surroundings and being present in the moment. Stephen looks at two directions of presence. One is what I’m receiving and being aware of my environment and the second is my presence. What is the energy I project out to the world and that includes facial expression, posture etc.

b.    Flexibility. Am I able to make adjustments based on current circumstances. This has been very important over the last couple of years as paths of success have been blocked because of the pandemic. Are we able to make adjustments so that we can still get satisfied. Are we able to have different perspectives and also see those of other people. It’s about flexibility on many levels.

c.     The ability to get things done. We’re able to go out into the world. We have courage, persistence and perseverance so we can be successful in life. When we are successful it increases our sense of agency and self-confidence and then we experience stresses less impactfully.

One of the things about resilience is that it takes challenges to become more resilience. Challenges are resilience fuel. Dr Sideroff found his challenges in relationships, moves to different locations and jobs as well as challenges in the jobs forced him to challenge himself and become more resilient. He worked for fifteen years as an apprentice to a shaman which showed him a whole different way of viewing the world. It was in those years that he broke through some of his own defenses. He feels we can’t stay just on the surface of life.  The wounding is what breaks us open and causes us to reach deeply inside ourselves. All of this was what shaped him and how he approaches resilience.

Dr Sideroff has used biofeedback in and research biofeedback for many years. Biofeedback is a way of monitoring some aspects of your physiology and feeding that back to the person you’re working with or yourself. When you make an adjustment physiologically you get immediate feedback letting you know of your success so its an optimum conditioning or learning model that helps us tune in better to our bodies so we get into a better place of physiological balance.

Neurofeedback monitors brainwave patterns so you are able to get more directfully to the origins of physiological control For example, Dr Sideroff participated in a research study where they went into a drug treatment facility where they did a series of neurofeedback sessions. The first stage was to help people become more present by enhancing their access to prefrontal cortex and the cortex in general so it helped with attentional issues and being able to focus. They then shifted into another neurofeedback approach called Alfa Beta. This creates a deep state, a beta state in which memories can come up. Trauma can also come up but in the context of a very calm state so it’s a way of helping someone move through their trauma and be able to let go of it. It had tremendous success in the research study where there was twice as much abstinence two years post treatment as in the control group and 77% after three years.  This helped to put this kind of neurofeedback model into a number of drip drug treatment centres.

Resilience is a lens that brings together many schools of thoughts into a more tangible set of circumstances. Right now Dr Sideroff feels it is very important for people to learn resilience. We are all faced with huge challenges in the world. The complexity of life right now and with the pandemic and war in Ukraine makes it really challenging people all over the world. Resilience is a fluid kind of concept because it’s always about the best way of being in the present moment.

The future is evolving so quickly in comparison to the last twenty years. We are moving to adaptability and the reinvention of the future for ourselves.  There are some factors that interfere with our adaptability. If we adapt very well to our childhood environment that adaption can get locked so we carry the same type of adaption into adulthood.  If we have difficulty adapting to the adult environment it may be because we carry the lessons of our childhood into adulthood. If we grow up in a very dangerous childhood environment where we are always on the lookout for danger as an adult we keep our stress response activated much more that it needs to be. The lessons of childhood very frequently get in the way of fully adapting as an adult.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more or take Dr Sideroff’s resilience challenge or download a relaxation visulisation exercise at drstephensideroff.com  

A resilience assessment booklet is available by emailing sideroff@ucla.edu

Busy and burnt out?

From time to time we all say  ‘I’ve got too much to do’, ‘I’m too busy’ or ‘I wish someone would realise the time constraints I’ve got’.  But being busy is a good thing, it’s only when it becomes a virtue and a ‘badge of honour’ that issues arise.

Research has shown that to some people, busyness is connected to their self-worth and status. If they’re busy they feel needed, in demand, and important which then elevates their feelings of self-worth. Culturally as well, people who are seen to be busy are admired - if you’re busy, work late and don’t take your lunch breaks or annual leave, you’re seen as more important, indispensable and successful.  

But although being busy may positively impact self-esteem, if you’re so busy that your work/life balance is affected then its time to reevaluate. Constantly over-scheduling has a negative effect on emotional and physical health and can ultimately lead to burnout.

Initially it may feel challenging to shift your priorities, disconnect from work and take time for yourself, but it’s essential if you’re going to take control of your health and wellbeing.

Whats Next? Mindset, Choice and EFT

Sallie Wagner is a speaker, author, lawyer, real estate broker and instructor and life coach based in the Tampa Bay area of Florida.

She started her career in the law and real estate and moved into the coaching environment a few years ago. This had always been her passion. In college she started as physics major and ended up in theology and she had always had a hunger to learn more about it so when she had a ‘this is how I need to live my life moment’ went back and did some additional training and certifications and expanded what she was doing.

Sallie feels resilience is incredibly important and is crucial to our lives and our wellbeing in four major areas – physical, emotional, mental and social - and that there are some very simple ways to build resilience. Resilience can also help us to move out of all the regret we have in life – the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘if only’.  As we build resilience we can move out of those regrets.

The epiphany in Sallie’s life came when she started to feel that she was living someone else’s life.  At some point in life many people feel that they are successfully discontent - their life looks good on paper but doesn't feel so good inside. Research shows that the top regret of mid career professionals is ‘I wish I’d had the courage to pursue my own interests and my own studies rather than what was expected of me’. When it hit her, Sallie reconnected with her earlier trajectory for her life, that of being a professor of theology. She had always had a vision of herself as a teacher and as she extended her opportunities to teach more the opportunities flooded in.

Sallie took her law and real estate knowledge and used it to teach other people. She teaches many different classes every week and this also sharpens her skills and knowledge about what’s happening in the industry. She also teaches as part of her life coaching work and much of this is around Mind Apps and how we make conscious choices in life and uninstall those mind apps that take our conscious power and choice away. The process includes Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and NLP modalities to get to that level of the subconscious so that we can make lasting change. Sallie feels that if we’re depending on willpower we’ve already lost the battle. It takes a lot of energy to make those choices and if we’re stressed, tired or hungry we don't have the energy to do it so revert back to those apps that were previously programmed into us.

There are two main ways to undertake EFT. The Gold Standard and Optimal EFT. Sallie uses the Gold Standard which involves tapping on the energy meridians that acupuncture and acupressure are based on.  Sometimes the energy fields in our body get out of sync. This could be because of environmental factors such as our thoughts, emotions or even food affecting the energy flow so by tapping on certain meridian points on the body the energy becomes more aligned so we can address things and respond rather than react.

EFT can be remedial, if someone has a habit they want to get rid of or are dealing with grief, loss or anxiety. It can also be preventive for example if you know you are going to be in a challenging situation such as public speaking or exams it can help you prepare ahead of time or it can also be aspirational, helping to develop new goals for life. 

Another area it can be used in is in dealing with trauma. Sallie has used it when people have been stuck in an event in the past. They aren’t able to be in the present and can’t see anything good happening in the future. EFT can help in getting relief as the energy that is carried in our bodies can affect us physically so releasing the energy can help resolve the trauma. This is also one of the benefits of building resilience so we can get rid of some of those bad effects and life longer and healthier lives.

Sallie believes that to create success we need to make a process for everyday. Mindset is not taught and we need the mindset to view the success we have and also past it to see what it looks like afterwards. We need to have the right skills to have the right mindset for our careers, businesses and lives and then to take action to make it happen. Without action it’s just a philosophy. Without action it’s just hoping and dreaming.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Sallie at Salliewagner.com

Overcome adversity and build resilience

Rob Swymer is a seasoned sales executive of over 40 years who embodies a servant leadership mindset. He leads his teams with empathy and applies the lessons learned from his adversity to help others build resilience and thrive, not only in business, but in their personal lives as well.  Working in sales can help develop so many life skills and Rob feels that at some point everyone should both work in sales and public facing roles.  Both can help with building the human connection, developing trust and being authentic whilst doing it. Rob feels that people’s perception of salespeople is not good. His take is that we’re here to serve and make people lives better in the long run, no matter what you’re selling.

Communication is at the heart of the human condition – communicating authentically is the best way to be your best self. Rob feels that authenticity is the ability to be yourself wherever you are and whoever you’re with. But with this comes vulnerability. Vulnerability comes through adversity and adversity builds resilience but if you are vulnerable enough to talk about your adversity then you will make a massive impact on the people you touch or meet. The human connection will be very strong. It needs a very adult form of relationship to build trust and be vulnerable – authenticity based on vulnerability is a very adult concept that does not work for all cultures, places or times. Some things translate and others don't.

Vulnerability, authenticity and adversity are a set of skills. Rob believes that resilience is something you learn and build from the events in your life. He grew up in adversity and had severe learning disabilities so had to navigate through these. He learned to adapt and practice self-care. When he was ten he was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome and was bullied at school and in later years struggled with alcohol addiction which led to suicidal thoughts and depression. At 23 he learnt he had Keratoconus and needed a cornea transplant. Then eight years ago his wife of 32 years suffered a brain aneurysm. Rob’s life changed at that moment but looking back he feels that events and adversity stacking really prepared him for when lost his wife.

A year after his wife died Rob moved back to Atlanta. His friends kept him busy and one friend focused on his health and wellness. He a while he realised that their relationship might become something more so he went to his two boys to ask them what they thought. They said ask her out so they went on a proper date, their relationship blossomed and three years later they got married. They now have a blended family and Rob feels it is a wonderful ending to a tragic event, that the rise is always sweeter than the fall.

Rob believes our internal voice influences every thought, belief, and action. He used this model to move forward. In reality the internal voice is louder than any external voice you can hear. He thinks you need to start with mindset. If you get the mindset right on a daily basis or however often you need to check and with the inner voice in check as well there is nothing you cant achieve. 20% - 30% of people don't have an inner voice but even if you don't have an internal monologue you can learn the process to bring out your internal voice.

Rob also lives a life of gratitude but feels you need to go out to find happiness. You don't wait to be happy, you find the enjoyment and mine the pleasure saying that whatever situation you’re in you’ll find something to be grateful for.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more at robswymer.com His new book is Surrender to Your Adversity,

Does employee wellbeing translate into improved productivity?

As we move further into the post-pandemic world, organisations are increasingly looking at long-term working models. Whilst some organisations found that home working led to increased productivity, others saw engagement and focus decline and productivity drop as employees experienced isolation, anxiety and stress.

Many studies have shown that higher levels of physical and mental health translate directly into greater happiness, increased self-motivation, improved staff retention and absence, better morale and ultimately improved performance and productivity. Whilst leaders are currently juggling many issues, productivity is one of the things they can’t afford to put on the backburner so developing a culture of wellbeing for employees has moved from being a nice to have to a must-have.

Building a culture of wellbeing in the workplace that helps, encourages and supports employees to practice healthy behaviours in the office will optimise employee wellbeing and positively impact on the employee experience to create a working environment where people will thrive.

Whilst in the past productivity has been boosted primarily through investment in skills and technology, now the more an organisation supports its staff in taking charge of their time and life, the happier and more productive workforce it has.

Time Management. The bigger picture.

Jane Shaw is Learning & Development professional who started her career in the hospitality industry. She did a full time MBA at Henley then bought a pub in Suffolk, before going back to L&D, becoming an Associate specilising in senior leadership teams, EI, executive and group coaching. She is now starting a Masters in Business Psychology. She feels running a pub is very similar to learning and development. It’s about facilitating a room full of people - sometimes a very diverse group with some who want to be there and others that don’t.  

Jane considers herself a life long learner. For example everything she knew about leadership and management ten or twelve years ago has been reshaped completely.  Deepening knowledge also has the benefit of increasing self-awareness and the ability to empathise whilst exposure to different perspectives improves connection with other people. She also feels the process of learning is good for you with huge benefits to mental health. Learning or training whether academic or vocational is important to good mental health.

Jane doesn’t really believe in time management beyond the productivity checklist which she considers a helpful concept. She thinks time management is broader and bigger than this – it’s about how we manage ourselves and it links to many different things. Often people attend time management courses and come back very enthusiastic but after a short period slip back. Jane thinks the question we should be asking ourselves is how are we managing ourselves. In the bigger context it is apparent that more people are asking themselves this question now than three years ago. Post pandemic people are perhaps struggling to reset the boundaries, of what’s acceptable, about how they work, what productivity looks like and how that gets measured, how they compare themselves to others and their productivity and how they can still establish credibility with their bosses when there has been less presence around and people aren’t seen to be doing as much.

There is the question of whether it is about task management rather than time management. If you do the right things and do these things well then you are never doing nothing so why manage time when it’s about the choices you make. Every tool is about a task rather than the time itself. It's the same thing over and over again. The task is what matters not the time itself. You need to disengage to engage – its OK to not do anything, you just need to give yourself permission.

Leaders who inflict pointless meetings on the workforce are adding to burnout. The person who holds the meeting finds it more valuable and more enjoyable than anyone else. To many attendees it’s just a waste of time. Using Teams has made people feel that time is a limitless resource. Everyone is talking about going back to how it was but many people weren't happy with meetings before February 2020. Now it’s not about going back, it’s about cherry picking what was good and then moving forward. There is the opportunity to reframe. In poorly led organisations continuing to use the same processes and will produce inferior results and people will be expected to work harder but will still be doing the wrong things in the wrong way. Employees will walk away or end up taking time off with stress. People are slightly more fragile after Covid. Many have been stretched to the point of breaking but no one has informed the leadership world. Some old management ideas are still in place so it’s fundamental that we re-examine leadership to reset these ideas and be open to change. Influential thought leaders are saying that leadership cannot continue in the same way.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more at https://ninedotsdevelopment.com

Managing the gap

In 2022 we find ourselves in a unique position of having five different generations working together. Although this is great in terms of diversity, managing multiple generations in the workplace isn’t always as easy as it sounds. Each defined generation comes with different expectations and perspectives so a management strategy that harnesses the distinctive skill set of each generation is needed if the best results are to be achieved.  

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to managing multiple generations. With differing work expectations, styles, strengths and concerns, comes misunderstandings, tensions and conflict. But by being aware of each employee’s framework of experience and their point of reference as well as generational work habits, it’s possible to introduce management policies that foster an environment that generates business advantage.

While there are exceptions in every generation, if managed correctly a multigenerational team will combine past learning with new perspectives, not only bringing greater efficiency but also the benefits that the insights and initiatives different age groups bring.

Running towards the cannon. Self-acceptance, resilience and mental wellbeing

Michele Capots is a speaker, writer and mental wellness and resilience coach who is currently based in Arlington, Virginia.  Michele went through a clinical depression in her 20s that led to her having suicidal thoughts and planning to kill herself. She was a binge drinker and didn't drink every day but once she started she generally couldn't stop. She was in recovery for many years and had a really hard time dealing with her alcoholism as she felt all the things she associated with it didn't apply to her. Her drinking started out as a coping mechanism. Her father died when she was two and she grew up thinking she was different.  Alcohol made that OK and later when she was seventeen a sudden death in the family led to the drinking became the coping mechanism.

Michele stopped drinking when she was 25 and although at the time she thought that was too young she’s now grateful she stopped at that age. When she stopped drinking she went through a depression and went to therapy and onto medication and got better. Years later she went through a similar depression but this one sent her into a manic episode and she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She knew nothing about bipolar and was in and out of psychiatric wards for three years. Her bipolar manic episodes were bipolar 1 that meant she suffered intense experiences of mania and these episodes sent her into hospital – the episodes happened, she  was treated then released. She felt better and then the next year it happened again. Michele thought it was going to be like this for the rest of her life.

Michele was worried that it meant she was crazy and that she should be able to snap out of it.  She didn't think it was something that happened in your adult life, rather it was something you were born with. The self-stigma she felt was difficult to overcome and made her fight against the diagnosis and she didn't admit she had a mental illness. Illness is often portrayed as a war and this is not the best way of approaching it. Someone told Michele that she should to run towards the sound of the cannon and she took this as meaning she should run towards the problem rather than away from it. When she accepted that the disorder was only a part of her not all of her she found freedom and achieved mental wellness.

Michele feels mental wellness is different to mental health. Mental health is the diagnosis, therapy, medication and appointment with the doctor. Mental wellness is about finding the tools to help us get there – exercise, eating well, meditation and practicing gratitude – all the things we do to that help us take care of ourselves and maintain our mental health. Self- acceptance was really important to Michele. She fought against having a mental illness and the more she fought the more she was in its grip. Recovery helped a lot with that so she was able to accept her mental illness and realise that there was more to her. She thought her mental illness was all she was about and could offer someone but she then realised that there was a whole other side that she wasn't embracing because she was focused on her mental illness.

Its only fairly recently that words like mental illness have become more accepted. Now it’s sometimes seen as an obstacle that can be overcome with good lifestyle and therapy. The external stigma has been reduced and in a way Covid has helped with this by bringing the conversation to the forefront. So many people were experiencing problems with their mental health and Covid helped to normalise it but there is still more we can do.

The current generation seems to be more aware of mental health as being non-stigmatised and recognise mental illness as not being any different to a physical illness. People sometimes stuggle with taking medication for a mental illness but its exactly the same – you are simply taking medication to help your illness. Michelle feels it is courageous that people stand up and talk about it but when you’re in the middle of it you still feel isolated and alone. Being able to talk to people who are knowledgeable, practical and pragmatic as well as therapists and coaches is important.  

Michele recently broke her jaw and went through a period where the feelings that started her depression came back but she realised what they were and that she could do something about them. Resilience helps with this - knowing you've been through it gives you the tool kit to go through it again and come out the other side.

Bipolar not a sign of weakness and now Michele embraces that part of her, the experiences she’s been through are what made her resilient and shaped who she is and what she does.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more at Michele Capots.com

The importance of soft skills

As UK business sets its sights on recovery and growth from the pandemic, more than ever emotionally intelligent employees with soft skills such as resilience, empathy, communication, problem solving, teamwork and self-confidence, are needed to help the organisation navigate through current and future change.

Advances in technology and the increase in home working means many roles have evolved and ensuring employees are equipped with the right soft skills for their role is essential. Looking at what soft skills their teams already possess and then what other qualities they would like them to have is the starting point. Then, on-the-job learning, coaching and feedback, as well as training courses can help an employee in their development. These skills should then become part of the company’s culture with the opportunity for continuous development to encourage individual and personal growth.

In an ever-changing environment, where businesses need to be on top of their game to succeed, employees who demonstrate these qualities can make a real contribution to its success.

Create a different story

Kevin Roth is a Life Coach but started his career as a dulcimer player and musician in 1974. By 2015 he had worked on around 50 albums, sung the theme to a children’s hit TV show Shining Time Station that was based on the stories of Thomas the Tank Engine and developed a children’s music career.

Everything was going well when in 2015 he was diagnosed with Stage 3 Melanoma and given around 2 years to live. It was a sentence he didn't agree with so he decided to change the story and moved from Kansas to California to live a bohemian lifestyle in a beautiful place. After a couple of turbulent years dealing with the diagnosis, someone suggested to him that he should become a life coach, something he didn't know anything about. Initially it didn’t appeal to him, but he found a way to teach the dulcimer in a meditative style and become a life coach in his own way using spirituality and science to talk to people about understanding life, dropping stress and creating a life that they really love.

As a child Kevin was very musical and played piano by ear. At 13 he heard the Appalachian Mountain dulcimer and fell in love with the sound of it and learned to play it. In some places it is still seen as a traditional folk instrument but because Kevin didn’t know about its history he played it like a guitar or piano and came to be seen as a very innovative player. Being seen as doing something different helped in him getting his first record deal with Folkway Records.

Kevin feels that music teaches resilience. Its hard to make a living as a musician and in a business sense music teaches us how to create something out of nothing. It also helps us recover from making mistakes – how do you come back from a bad gig when people don't applaud?  In jazz there are no mistakes just improvisation and often what we class as mistakes are just someone else’s judgement. Kevin also feels that music should be taught in schools like maths and science, the more people who are artistic or musical the better. Everyone can be artistic and the more artistic skills you teach, the better people will be able to do their jobs.

When he got his cancer diagnosis Kevin thought he was in in good health. He now feels that it was the stress in was under the three years prior to the diagnosis that caused it. Stress and inflammation can have a really damaging effect and we have to know how to handle stress and what to eat in balance.  When he was diagnosed Kevin had to think about what was really important  – I only have two years to live so what do I want to do? The fame and fortune didn’t matter anymore what he wanted to do was make music, spend time with his dogs and move to California. He rejected the diagnosis. They removed a lymph node to see if the cancer had spread and then waited a year to see if it had come back and it never did.

Kevin never thought he was going to die, he changed the story. When you realise that nothing lasts or matters and everything passes, you get out of the story of ‘I hate my job or partner and don’t like this or that’ and then when you change the way you look at things the things you look at change. When he had the diagnosis Kevin said he was going to go and watch surfers in California, and wasn’t going to live the rest of his life in a cancer ward. We create stories every day. When we wake up it can be a good day or a bad day. If you’re in a really bad mood and the phone rings and it's a friend you haven’t heard from a while then suddenly you’re in a whole other dimension. All the drama that was ruining your life is gone. When you look at mindful awareness and take the time to contemplate it you realise you that you really shouldn't get upset about very much. The story is the story. Learn to live in balance.

Every day we create a different story. When Kevin wakes up he says this is what I want to do and feel today.  Of course there is a need to eat the right things, to rest and exercise and do some sort of meditation but we need to get out of the illusion that money buys happiness. We also need to recreate our life on a daily basis. We need to retune ourselves through the day. Many people don't know how to sit in silence or be comfortable with themselves any more.  They have lost who they are and are addicted to stress.  We need to drop a lot of the things going on in our heads, be nice to ourselves and give ourselves a break. We have an inner voice that will talk to us if we are quiet enough to listen so we can replace what doesn't work with what does.

There is a balance between planning for the future and learning to live your life now. When you figure out what matters and why, everything else falls into place.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more at Kevinroth.org

The cost of a toxic workplace culture

New research shows two-thirds (61%) of people have taken long-term leave after experiencing a toxic workplace. The research, which was undertaken by Culture Shift, looked at responses from 1,000 people in a variety of sectors including the financial, healthcare, legal, insurance and public sectors. It looked at the workplace culture in their respective organisations and whether they’d experienced negative behaviour.

The results showed what a detrimental effect a toxic workplace can have on employees. 44% of those surveyed said they’d experienced problematic workplace behaviour such as bullying or harassment with two-thirds (61%) taking long-term leave as a result of negative behaviour, 42% of respondents said they’d left a workplace permanently because of a toxic culture. Other recent research from Glassdoor found that two-thirds of candidates would not take a job with a company with a bad reputation, even if they were unemployed.

As well as being damaging for employees, a toxic culture is costly for the business. As well as the cost of recruiting and training new staff - with the possibility of losing them too if the culture remains unchanged - any employment tribunal resulting from the behaviour could also end up being very costly.

With employees increasingly prioritising their work-life balance above all else, businesses need to offer not just a good salary but also a people focused environment.

Living under the veil of domestic violence

Lara Sabanosh is based in Florida where, having retired from various roles in the government sector, she now has an advocacy role helping other people deal with domestic abuse.

Lara and her husband had been based at Guantanamo Bay in a civilian capacity for four years and had been married for twenty years. On January 9th 2015 they attended a Command function where they had an altercation. Later that evening he went missing and his body was found two days drowned in the Bay. In telling the story of his disappearance, the media portrayed him as a war hero and a wonderful husband and father but this did not tell the full story of their relationship. Lara was told not to say anything to the media and to keep quiet.

The evening her husband went missing he had assaulted her three times verbally and physically. Once his disappearance was reported a female agent was assigned to the case. Lara was trying to help her in finding out what had happened to her husband but the first thing the agent said was ‘why did you stay with him?’ Although she was trying to help she was being made to feel as if she was the bad person because she stayed with him. It was not a helped by the fact that the people who were questioning her were the same people he socialised with. Nobody was listening and the reports she had made against him were ignored.

People often ask why to people stay with the abusers. Lara feels that she became a military wife at a very young age. She was nineteen years old when she met her husband and was a college student with big plans for the future. She came from a close-knit family unit with no background in violence but she now realises that the stronger the ties became the more she lost herself. At the start of the relationship it was not abusive but again she now realises that there were some red flags before they got married. They had only dated for a short time, under a year, before they got married. They didn't live in same area and he would come and visit at weekends which didn't worry her at the time but she now knows he was breaking military law to come and see her. He had drug and alcohol issues and was driving on a suspended licence. There were incidents that happened which she now feels should have given her an indication about how he handled situations and that he was lying to her. After they got married these things became her problem.

Lara feels that domestic violence is not a new issue in the military, nor is it a small issue. When senior leadership fails to address these issues it becomes a foundational problem. There is a well established saying that ‘if the military wanted you to have a wife they would issue you with one’ and many senior leaders believe what happens in the house stays in the house.

Lara spent twenty years trying to figure out who she was and who he wanted her to be. She started to believe the things her husband was telling her and it didn’t matter what anyone else told her. She did something. She was the cause. She apologised for the reasons he was angry. She didn’t believe there was anyone else out there. There was nothing else left inside and she went through the motions to try to stop and slow down what continued to happen. In some ways she wished his abuse was more physical that verbal. It was so crushing and relentless.

Lara’s book Caged is a window into her life. As with nearly all trauma, there is a measure of healing to be gained in the sharing of her story, not just for herself and her family, but also for others who, like her who have lived under the veil of domestic violence for years. She offers a call to action for reform, encourages others to seek out help, and urges those in positions of authority to assess existing procedures and question certain long-standing policies.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Lara and her book Caged at www.LaraSabanosh.com

Decide to be happy

Rob Dubin was an award winning filmmaker who owned his own company and travelled the world working for numerous Fortune 500 companies. At 42, he and his wife changed direction, sold their home and bought a sailboat and spent the next seventeen years sailing around the world, studying human happiness and fulfillment.

In his late 60s he then started speaking on happiness and fulfillment and when the great resignation hit in the US, he realised that people were leaving their jobs not just because they were unsatisfied with their jobs but also with their lives.  He now works with corporations on wellness, happiness and fulfillment so they can keep their employees and develop a different type of corporate culture.

Pre-pandemic in the US there was a notion that if you did all the right things, went to school, got an education, got a job, got married, had a family, got the white picket fence, got reasonable promotions along the way happiness would just happen to you. That's not actually the way happiness works. In the pandemic there was a paradigm shift where millions of people started asking themselves were they happy in life, was their life ending up how they imagined it. Lots of people said no its not and resigned in mass numbers.

The second paradigm shift was when people asked themselves questions about their dissatisfaction at work. The HR department always knew the answer was more money and better benefits. Now that people are asking if they were happy in life, the HR departments are at a loss. If compensation and benefits are the solution, the great resignation would be over by now. When people ask themselves the question why am I not happy and how can I be happy, most people don't now how to make themselves happy. In the old world we knew that more money would make us happy. In the new world no one knows the answer because few people know how to make themselves happy.

When Rob and his wife had finished sailing around the world, a lot of people wanted to hear their stories but Rob wanted to leave people with more. He had been very involved in the sailing world and spent considerable time with very wealthy people, millionaires and billionaires who were aiming who high-end yacht races. A short time later they were sailing to tiny islands in the Caribbean and Pacific and spending time with and barefoot villagers. Some the very wealthy people were happy and some unhappy and it was the same for the villagers so happiness is clearly not your circumstances.

Rob feels happiness is both a state and a skill. We think that when zxy happens we will be happy. This is true in a small sense but this kind of happiness only lasts for a short time – we buy a new car, a new house and are happy but a while later we want a different car or house. We get sucked into this idea because it’s partially true but in fact real happiness is just a decision you make to make to be happy. Once we make that decision Rob thinks we need to practice habits or skills of happiness daily over a period of time until they become habits. Once they become habits and part of what you are, happiness becomes part of who you are. Rob uses LIVE HAPPY as an acronym.

L - Learn optimism

I - Invent your new story

V - Value yourself

E - Exert emotional control

H - Happiness is a decision

A - A daily gratitude

P - Practice mindfulness

P - Practice contribution

Y - Your dreams

Rob feels that the way we know when are happy is that we feel a deep contentment that you know your life is going the way you want it and that it is what we thought it was going to be. Our experience of life is our emotions so that's how we describe our experience of life be it happy, sad or worried, these emotions become our life.

The change in direction in Rob’s came a year after he and his wife were part of a group of people who spent five nights in the wilderness after being lost in a winter blizzard in Colorado. People generally only survive one or two nights so after three nights the search for them was called off and they were given up for dead. The search made the news worldwide and when they were found safe, the first call they received was from the President of the United States who congratulated them on their survival. 

The aftermath however though was that Rob’s wife incurred frostbite which led to the doctors saying they would amputate both her feet and most of her fingers. Rob wondered what life was going to be in the future. He left the hospital distraught and helpless but the next morning he woke up feeling powerful. He went back to the hospital where he and his wife refused to sign the papers for the surgery and focused instead on a full recovery. They decided that was going to the outcome and although his wife was in hospital for 21 days and it took a full year, he did make a full recovery. Rob feels their story of resilience has three phases. The first was when they were out in the storm. The second was when they decided they were going to focus on a complete recovery and focus on a compelling future for the future and the third was the story they told themselves going forward – that we can accomplish what we want so lets sail round the world

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more Rob at Robdubin.com

Transparent leadership. The key to success.

Over the course of the pandemic it has become obvious that workers want, and need, more transparency from their leaders. Whilst some leaders still feel business decisions should stay behind closed doors, employees are more and more frequently asking for the rationale behind key changes to be explained and communicated clearly. This has become far more noticeable during the course of the pandemic where employees suffering from high levels of anxiety and feelings of disengagement have wanted reassurance and access to clear and factual information.

The world of work has changed and this has created a new set of challenges for leaders. Companies are busy navigating their way through these changes so there is a real need to maintain clear information, proactive communication and regular updates. All of this needs to be through channels that not only make staff aware of what’s happening but also allows them to voice their concerns to the correct person in the appropriate way.

It’s well established that a culture of transparency can help increase levels of motivation, job satisfaction and morale. It is also an effective way to prevent disengagement and contribute to a happier workforce and increased productivity.

So, in the situation we find ourselves in, trust, transparency and open communication are essential to fostering a collaborative and innovative environment.

Setting a vision for success

Paola Knecht is a certified leadership, transformational, and self-development coach with fifteen years of experience working in leading-edge global corporations, including Viatris and Syngenta. She has recently published her first book The Success Mindset: Take Back the Leadership of Your Mind which challenges the mainstream view of success and asks her readers to redefine success so it is truly meaningful to them.

In her research, Paola looked at the difference between people who are extraordinary and reach things no one thinks are possible and people who don't achieve everything they want to. She feels that many people are living against an externalised idea of what success looks like rather than what matters to them and that they are following a definition of success that was not really defined by them but comes from external sources.

Paola thinks the first thing to consider is what success look like for each individual. For her, success is about discovering and following a vision and really thinking about what makes life meaningful. Not in terms of houses, cars or money because even though you may have reached certain milestones in the corporate world, it doesn’t mean you were successful in your own terms. You may have achieved all of the things you think you should have done but you still feel empty or stuck, don't find meaning in your life, feel bored or fall into the trap of never ending consumption. It’s about who you are rather than what you have.  

At different points in your career there is a chance to reset. Paola left Mexico because she wanted to travel. When she was a child her father gave her a globe which she used study. She graduated in engineering so when she had to choose where to continue her studies study she choose a Masters programme in Switzerland which gave her the opportunity to see more of Europe. Paola’s vision was that she wanted to see more of the world.  She feels we all need to set a vision for ourselves and that one way of doing this is reflecting back on what we enjoyed doing when we were children, before we took on responsibilities, followed other trends and disconnected from activities we loved. This can still be relevant as you get older. Not everyone will be clear on what they want, others are still not sure or discover they aren’t happy doing what they are doing and don’t know how to make the changes they need.

Paola thinks that resilience is something we are all born with, that's an inborn trait. This resilience muscle provides us with a self succeeding mechanism but as we get older and grow out of our inner self we tend to listen and comply to other people.  We forget our resilience muscle and don't ‘train’ it any more so become people pleasers who try to live in a world were we are liked by others and fill their expectations, Then, when a big challenge comes along we find ourselves helpless, asking ourselves ‘what do I do next’, ‘I don't want to fail and my self image be ruined’.

A way of growing resilience is to stop people pleasing. Always working to be liked gets in the way of understanding yourself and having your own sense of self. We need to learn to let go of peoples perceptions of us -  if we don't have our own vision, everyone’s else version of us becomes important.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Paola at www.my-mindpower.com

Her book is available at https://www.amazon.com/author/paolaknecht

Your story matters

Clint Davis was born in South Africa but, after living in Dubai and Australia, he and his wife realised a decades-long dream of living in the USA when they won the Green Card Lottery, a 0.73% chance. He and his wife then moved to Los Angeles, and eventually settled in Austin, Texas.

Clint considers resilience to be one of our greatest characteristics. Living in different countries is not as glamorous as it sounds. Growing up in South Africa he learned about adversity quickly particularly because of the dynamic change from the apartheid system and the racial healing that had to take place over a number of years. Clint and his wife developed a mindset that helped them deal with the different changes and challenges that played out as they moved from country to country. Whether it was budgetary issues or fitting into different communities, their approach became ‘this is where we are’ ‘this is the decision we made’ ‘lets see this through’ and ‘how do we do it’ rather than ‘can we do it’.

Moving gives you the opportunity to reinvent yourself but it also allows you to leave things behind. The more you mature the more you want to leave certain things behind. In your youth, when you move from a country you want to hang on to every nostalgic artifact and relationship but the truth of ‘out of sight out of mind’ is a human fact when you live it and over several moves you can lose many relationships. The reinvention of self is hard to translate back to people if you don't see them face-to-face. When you move countries you have to reinvent yourself and Clint feels the expats who don't make it are the ones who wanted to hang on to their homeland ideologies and didn’t recognise that a new country and culture require them to change. If you can find the balance of your roots and pair it with where you are now you can become an interesting tapestry of a person.

Holding on to your past is important in terms of resilience as its part of who you are. You need to adapt it for the future though rather than simply preserving it. There is a constant battle about what you hang on to and what you let go. Nostalgia actually holds you back when it come s to engaging with a new culture and will hold relational growth back.

Different structures, careers, countries, environments, types of jobs and the entrepreneurial world all need resilience to know you are going to get things wrong so failure needs to be factored in as part of the build process. People define failure differently but Clint feels that if you need to look at each failure as a learning environment , to approach it with a willingness to fail and learn from it and the humility that comes with it. If you are emotionally healthy and stable, you know that what others see as failures, you recognise as lessons and you don’t see failure but growth.

Clint spent seventeen years in radio, broadcasting to four different countries and was also a high performance driving instructor at racetracks and skidpans. Additionally he was involved with freelance podcasting and interviewing and event management. Now with his company Capsil App, the biggest difference is that instead of just doing it and taking the risk for himself, he now has a team of co-founders so needs to keep them and their families in mind as well as the product users and their families.  He feels you need to make a shift from yourself to how your decision making, emotional intelligence and communication plays out not just to keep things pure but to make sure things are communicated correctly - the heartbeat that everything you created as this entrepreneurial version of yourself is actually relayed and received in the correct light of what you are trying to do.

Clint feels that while we live in a digital age, we have done a poor job in passing our personal histories on generationally because there isn’t a stable platform to keep them on. Capsil App is a new platform where users can gather their memories and life stories into digital time capsules with full user control so it can be shared privately with future generations or on an optional public feed to inspire others. It can also provide users with coached storytelling expertise who can help remember all the details and create a meaningful recount of your life events and memories.

For more about Clint or information about Capsil.App visit www.capsll.app/

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

From adversity to emotional wellness

Rosie Mankes is a two-time cancer survivor. In 2008 she was diagnosed with Stage One Lung Cancer and had 10% of her right lung removed. Then, in 2015 she was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer but tested positive for the breast cancer gene so ended up having a bilateral mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. After her second cancer journey decided she wanted to be a life coach to help serve others and she is also a speaker and author of a book

In her book Rosie writes about how she moved from significant adversity to emotional wellness in the space of one year. In 2015 as well as her breast cancer diagnosis she also had to transition her Mother to an assisted living facility because of her progression of her dementia. Her Mother had always lived in New York so was very fearful of leaving the only life she had known behind so she could move closer to Rosie and her family in New Jersey. Then, when things were just starting to settle down, Rosie’s 58 year-old brother died an accident.

Rosie felt cursed and didn’t know how to get out of bed and attempt to be herself. She needed to find out how to move from that place of despair and find a way to emotional wellness and healing. She wanted to find joy in everyday living again. Rosie used to think before that year that it was all about the big picture – if you can just do one big thing you can fix it but she found that when she was in that place it was a series of smaller things that created the change. It was more about grass roots foundation building, digestible bits of information because when you are really down you cant comprehend more than a little bit at a time.

Rosie wasn’t happy so one of the first things she did was to define what happy was. She decided to write down five day-to-day things that made her happy but she ended up with a blank page because she wasn’t happy. She then took a side step and wrote down five things that could make her happy. She came up with a very basic list – sitting with her dogs, watching a sun rise or set, taking a walk – but it wasn't a list of what made her happy so she turned them affirmations and read them constantly until she felt strong enough to integrate them into her life.

She also took a look at the things she had given up during that year. One of the things she had stopped doing was listening to the radio because of the connection she felt to the lyrics. But music was a large part of Rosie’s life so she worked on bringing it back in to her life. She had also stopped exercising partly because of the surgery but she then suffered from crippling anxiety. She didn't really want to go back but she did and she then realised that she needed to look at her gym buddies and visulise who they were, what did she want from her encounter with them and what did she want share. Once she had visulised this at home, she had prepared herself for the encounter and made it easier for her to push through it

As a life coach Rosie feels she has most value when she is working with breast cancer sufferers, helping them deal with the personal things - feelings and emotions that go with losing part of your body. Having been diagnosed with lung and breast cancer Rosie feels breast cancer is far more personal as the body changes are very hard to deal with so the experience that she has been though can help other women express their emotions and fears and help them get through their journey.

Rosie also works with families who are having to transition their parents into assisted living or memory care facility from home. When she was transitioning her mother she felt a lot of guilt because she didn't ever think her mother would ever need to go into a facility. However, her mothers care level needs were high and Rosie’s ability to look after her was low due to her breast cancer. Now Rosie likes to help other people deal with the denial of needs, the guilt that might come along, the preparation of question you need to ask and generally be as knowledgeable as possible so you are better able to cope.

You can find out more about Rosie at Rosiemankes.net Her book is Find Your Joy and Run With It,

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.