Does narcissism decrease with age?

A recent study from the American Psychological Association has found that people tend to become less narcissistic as they age. The study which analysed data from 51 longitudinal studies, measured how the levels of narcissism in 37,247 participants (52% female and 48% male), from aged from 8 to 77, changed over time.

Three different types of narcissism were measured. Agentic Narcissism which includes feelings of grandiosity or superiority and a strong need for admiration. Antagonistic Narcissism which includes arrogance, entitlement, callousness and low empathy, and Neurotic Narcissism involves emotional dysregulation and hypersensitivity. Overall, it was found that all three types declined from childhood through to old age and also that differences among individuals remained stable over time, so that individuals who were more narcissistic than their peers during childhood tended to remain that way as adults.

There are a number of possibilities that could explain a decrease. As people grow older, they often become less self-centred, more focused on others and emotionally stable which would correspond to a reduction in narcissistic traits such as entitlement and self-absorption. Life experiences, such as forming relationships, raising children, and facing career challenges can increase empathy, patience, and a broader perspective which can also counteract narcissistic tendencies, whilst roles often taken on by older people such as caregiving and responsibility for others, promotes selflessness and concern for the well-being of others.

Cultural norms and expectations can also influence personality traits over a lifetime. In many cultures, older adults are expected to be wise, generous, and community-oriented, which can encourage a reduction in narcissistic behaviour. Social feedback and the need to maintain relationships may also push individuals to adopt more co-operative and less self-centred behaviours as they age. Psychological growth including increased emotional regulation and improved coping mechanisms can contribute to reduced narcissism whilst the biological changes in the brain related to aging can play a role in altering personality traits, including a potential decline in narcissistic tendencies.

Living or working with someone who has narcissistic trait can be challenging and this new research may have implications not only for the lives of the narcissistic individuals but also that of their partners, friends, and colleagues.  However, although the research found that on average, narcissism gradually declines as people age, it does also show that narcissism is a very stable personality trait and that it can take decades to see any change.

The impact of learned helplessness in the workplace.

Learned Helplessness, the concept introduced by the American psychologist Martin Seligman in 1967, refers to a state of mind where someone believes that they have no control over their situation. It can develop after repeated experiences of adversity or failure and may lead to individuals feeling helpless and unable to change their circumstances.

The impact on behaviour can be significant. People become passive and resigned to their situation with a lack of motivation that affects organisational dynamics as well as the individual. In the workplace it’s therefore important that leaders are aware of the signs of learned helplessness and take action to deal with it. Things to look out for include:

Decreased Motivation: Employees become disengaged and lack motivation to perform tasks or take the initiative. They believe their efforts won't make a difference which can lead to reduced productivity.

Poor Performance: If individuals feel unable to change their circumstances, they may not make the effort necessary to achieve goals or meet expectations.

Reduced Problem-Solving Skills: Individuals may struggle with problem-solving and decision-making or avoid challenges or difficult tasks, leading to stagnation and an inability to adapt to changing environments.

Negative Work Environment: Learned helplessness can contribute to a negative work environment with low morale, cynicism, and a lack of collaboration, which impacts team dynamics and hinders organisational effectiveness.

Increased Turnover: Employees who feel helpless and unsupported are more likely to seek other opportunities. High turnover rates disrupt workflow, increase recruitment costs and diminish organisational stability.

Impact on Leadership: Leaders may exhibit learned helplessness if they feel overwhelmed by challenges or perceive a lack of support from higher management. This can affect the morale and performance of their team.

Innovation and Creativity: Learned helplessness can stifle innovation and creativity so employees are less inclined to propose new ideas or take risks if they believe their efforts will be futile.

Health and Well-being: The stress and frustration associated with learned helplessness can have negative implications for mental and physical health with increased absenteeism, presenteeism, and healthcare costs.

To deal with the negativity of learned helplessness, organisations need strategies that build a supportive and empowering work culture where employees can access the resources and tools they need to succeed. Establishing clear objectives and providing skill development and growth opportunities help reduce feelings of helplessness and overwhelm whilst mentorship programmes and the promotion of open communication channels that help people feel comfortable expressing themselves and asking for assistance can also help.

Trust. Essential for individual and organisational success.

Trust is the foundation which successful organisations are built on. Whether it’s the relationship between employees or the one between employees and their leaders, trust creates a culture that allows organisations to become high-functioning, accountable and outcome-driven, with improved employee retention and increased commitment and loyalty.  

Without trust, organisations suffer from office politics, infighting and a lack of communication that slows down decision-making and reduces effectiveness. It breeds fear, disengagement a lack of loyalty and reduced productivity. Team performance suffers, and employees will have trouble making decisions or admitting mistakes, fearing negative repercussions if they do.

The role leaders play is therefore pivotal in creating a culture where trust is at the forefront. By being transparent, authentic, and reliable they can help to create an environment, where open communication is encouraged, and staff can seek guidance and support without fear. An environment where employees feel able to own up to mistakes and bring solutions to the table, limiting the fallout of an error and allowing the employee to see the mistake as a learning opportunity.

When employees feel inspired by senior leaders and see their actions leading to business success, they start to trust their leaders. They become empowered to own their success. They feel able to share their ideas and opinions and because they aren’t afraid to speak up, different perspectives, ideas or solutions are put forward. When employers own their success, they can push through adversity, take responsibility for their performance and results, and enhance their skills.

Trust is also necessary to drive organisational performance and plays an important role in implementing change or navigating uncertain situations. It fosters ethical decision-making, promotes loyalty, and increases the willingness to remain with a company. It also plays a vital role in reducing stress levels and hostility in the work environment so developing and nurturing trust within the workplace is essential for a healthy and productive work environment.

Building trust as a leader is a gradual process that involves consistent actions and behaviours. It takes time and effort to build and it’s hard to win and easy to lose but It’s the foundation of a healthy and thriving workplace. Leadership development programs and ongoing support for leaders to ensure that trust remains a priority are therefore essential because in an uncertain business landscape trust is needed more than ever if individuals and organisations are to succeed. 

The power of intentionality

Keywords

Resilience – Intentionality – Building Relationships – Mindset Shifts – Behaviour Shifts – Intentional Action

In this episode of Resilience Unravelled John Miles, a leading authority on intentional behaviour change and personal growth, discusses his career path and experiences in various industries. John emphasises the importance of being intentional and deliberate in building relationships and adapting to different organisational sizes and sectors. He also highlights the significance of passion, purpose, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and adaptability for future leaders.

 Main topics

• Being intentional and setting life goals.

• Why building relationships and emotional intelligence are important skills for success.

• Adaptability in a changing world.

• Intentionality in making deliberate choices and taking deliberate actions.

• How different voices and perspectives can resonate with people in different ways.

Timestamps

1: Introduction to John Miles. 00:02-02:35
2: The Power of Intentionality. John explains the importance of being intentional in one's career and decision-making process. He discusses how commonalities exist in various business sectors and emphasizes the need to be intentional about personal and professional goals. 03:40-08:30
3: Building Brilliant Relationships. John explores the secret to building successful relationships, highlighting the importance of trust, communication, and perseverance. He mentions the need to develop core elements often overlooked in leadership and management textbooks. 10:01-13:34
4: Mindset Shifts for Success. John introduces six mindset shifts that can be applied to overcome challenges and achieve success. He emphasizes the significance of passion, perseverance, and deliberate action in developing a growth mindset. 14:22-16:45
5: Behaviour Shifts for Personal Growth. John discusses six behaviour shifts that can lead to personal growth and development. He shares stories and examples of individuals who have successfully implemented these shifts in their lives. 23:15-24:30
6: Taking Intentional Action. John explains his approach to taking intentional action and outlines a step-by-step process for readers to follow. He provides a quiz to help readers understand their starting points and offers additional resources, such as eBooks and templates, to support implementation. 24:58-27:06
7: Conclusion and Call to Action. 27:27-29:58

Action items

You can find out more about John at https://johnrmiles.com/ His podcast is Passion Struck with John R Miles

   You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.   

Is FOOP affecting your authenticity?

New research from Reed shows that 32% of the 2,000 British workers surveyed didn’t feel they could be their true selves at work, with 19% regularly adopting a workplace persona depending on who they talked to or the situation they were in. This inability to be authentic could be down to FOOP, the fear of offending people.

FOOP can lead to people becoming afraid of saying or doing something that might be deemed socially unacceptable, offensive, or politically incorrect and leads to them censoring their thoughts, opinions, and behaviours to avoid any possible backlash, criticism, or social consequences. This leads to a reluctance to engage in open discussions, and a general atmosphere of caution in social interactions which impacts on both personal and professional relationships, stifles creativity, diversity of thought, and genuine conversations.

The extent to which individuals feel this fear can vary depending on cultural context, societal norms, personal values, and the specific subject being discussed and whilst some individuals might genuinely feel this fear, others may use it as a way to dismiss criticism or avoid accountability for their words or actions.

Finding the balance between expressing yourself and being respectful of others' feelings and perspectives can be complex. In any workplace, there is always the potential to offend others, intentionally or unintentionally. Offending people can lead to awkward or uncomfortable situations and damaged relationships but there may be situations where expressing your opinions or standing up for yourself is essential. In these situations, the ability to deal with the aftermath in a constructive and empathetic way is essential to maintaining healthy relationships with colleagues and minimising the potential for negative consequences.

Some argue that there has been an increase in online platforms and social media, which has magnified the impact of public scrutiny and led to a heightened fear of offending others. Others contend that these discussions have been happening for years and are not a new phenomenon. Whatever the reason, the ability to express yourself in an authentic way, rather than dedicating mental effort to hide your true self means you’re going to be far happier in your job and life.

Healing the brain

Keywords: Rewiring the Brain – Resilience – Mental Health – Repairing the Brain

In this episode of Resilience  Unravelled, Scott Warwick, an attorney and human resources professional for over 41 years, talks about his interest in mental health which stems from his son's Asperger's autism diagnosis. Scott has conducted subsequent research that revealed western medicine has a limited understanding of how the brain works. He highlights that chronic distress is the number one threat to people’s health and that people need to change their lifestyle holistically rather than rely on pills. Furthermore, that getting rid of toxic individuals in your life is crucial for maintaining good mental health as they can drain your energy like vampires.

Scott discusses the importance of taking care of our brain and how it affects overall health. He talks about the negative effects of stress and anxiety on the brain, as well as poor nutrition and lack of hydration and emphasises that a holistic approach including things like meditation, positive thinking, conflict resolution skills, and emotional intelligence training for managers is necessary. He also shares his personal story and authenticated scans in his book ‘Healing the Human Brain’ which highlights how he overcame challenges to repair his own brain function and how his son’s brain scan revealed issues which led to a journey of discovery and healing. The book also talks about the brain's ability to rewire itself and techniques for stress management.

Main topics:

• Why chronic distress is the number one threat to health according to Harvard Medical College and the American Psychological Association.

• How meditation and positive thinking can help rewire the brain.

• Why a brain healthy workplace involves conflict resolution and emotional intelligence training for supervisors and managers.

• How learning a new language can also help heal the brain.

• The art of debate and mutual learning versus self-destruction in today's society.

• The importance of finding a lifestyle that works for each person's unique needs

• The need for better treatment of people in the workplace to promote productivity and leadership.

• How to improve brain health through activities such as meditation and sports.

Timestamps:

1: Introduction - 00:02-00:39
2: Background. Scott discusses his unusual background and how it led to his interest in brain healing - 01:21-02:43
3: Healing Brain Concept. Scott discusses his son's brain condition and the journey they went through to heal it - 02:43-07:12
4: Rewiring the Brain. The process of rewiring the brain and the various methods used to achieve it - 07:12-17:54
5: Brain Healthy Environment. The importance of creating a brain healthy environment, including emotional intelligence and conflict resolution - 18:48-23:35
6: The Book. Scott discusses his book on brain healing and shares information on how to purchase it -  24:09-28:50
7: Conclusion and contact information - 28:50-29:13

Action points:

• Learn more about Scott and his research and strategies for brain healing at https://scottwarrick.com/ His site allows viewers to access free videos on repairing their brain

• Read his book ‘Healing the Human Brain’ which is available on Amazon.com

     You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.  

The leadership journey

Lisa Marie Platske lives on an 86 acre farm in Kentucky and from there runs her own leadership and development company where she offers corporate retreats and works with leaders individually and in groups. Her belief is that most people want health, happiness success and meaning in their lives and that the meaning comes from contribution and the desire to make a bigger difference.

People talk about the idea of ‘bigger than myself’ and originally Lisa’s journey was thinking that leadership was very much tactical - you hire, you fire, you work in culture and change. She recognised over time that leadership is a very personal journey. When one doesn't take that journey personally and it is simply about the tactical there is something missing. When you ask about where does this idea of meaning and making a difference in the other and the group comes from, for her it came when she was interviewing leaders and asking what it was they did to be successful. She thought at the time it was about the tactical but came to recognise that each of the leaders took the journey themselves around planning and understanding their personality and creating partnerships.

Lisa also believes that sense of the collective and almost feeling an emptiness when the focus is solely on the self comes from recognising that we are part of the greater fabric of humanity. We are the behaviours we engage in; in how we think and in the actions we take. When somebody engages in their own leadership journey and comes to this awareness, there is more conversation as people move up that hierarchy of basic needs once those are met.

Lisa developed the 7 Pillars of Leadership from the interviews she did with leaders. Her career had been in Federal law enforcement and she didn’t have any background in business. When she started doing the interviews she wanted a short cut in business. What do the best leaders do?  How do they do it? Can this shorten my learning curve? The 7 Pillars came from themes and all start with the letter Plan, Personality, Partnerships, Priority, Presence, Progress and Personal and Professional Development.

You can find out more about Lisa Marie at www.upsidethinkinking

  You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions. 

Overt or covert? Spot the narcissist in your workplace.

Most people find that their relationships with work colleagues have a huge affect on their wellbeing. Toxic relationships can lead to anxiety and depression and this can be particularly noticeable if you are working with a narcissist. But narcissist is a wide-ranging term that describes many different people who possess similar traits but who demonstrate different behaviours at different times. Generally though narcissists are thought of as incredibly self- centred with no consideration for the feelings and needs of others. While many narcissists do behave this way, there are many other who exhibit completely different behaviours that make them far more difficult to spot.

Two of the better-known types of narcissism are overt and covert. Whilst both share the same behaviours - a lack of empathy, a need for admiration, feelings of inadequacy, a desire to control others and low self-esteem – they are expressed completely differently in their outward actions. Overt narcissists are very easy to spot because they display all the traits we typically associate with narcissism. They’re very vocal, constantly telling everyone how great they are, how everyone else has failed and being completely insensitive to the needs of others. A covert narcissist however is less obvious, they’re more reserved and introverted so are difficult to spot because they hide behind a mask of sensitivity and vulnerability.

Narcissism is all about control and manipulation For example, narcissists always shift blame onto their teammates and an overt narcissist will do this by criticising and taking every opportunity to tell you where you went wrong and how everything is your fault. Covert narcissists however use a more passive form of manipulation, creating confusion by implying you forgot something or remembered it incorrectly and using their workmates to supply constant re-assurance about their skills and talents.

Outwardly, overt and covert narcissists appear to be very different but as well as sharing the same insecurities, they exercise the same narcissistic behaviours and blame-shifting, projection and gaslighting are just some of the forms of control and manipulation they use. Whether you’re dealing with an overt or covert narcissist, being aware of their traits means you’ll be better placed to protect yourself and set some boundaries in place to deal with their dysfunction.

Beyond addiction. Science and kindness for positive change.

Jeff Foote is a clinical psychologist who has been involved with addiction treatments and programme development and research for over thirty years. He now runs treatment centres and a foundation for families of people struggling with substance issues. He has also written some books aimed at families to amplify the messages about evidence based approaches that families never hear about when they are helping their loved ones with their substance issues.

Jeff’s work has not always been based around families. For the first twenty-five years of his career he felt that he, along with many other clinicians, downplayed the role and involvement of families when it comes to mental health issues and peoples psychological struggles. During the first two thirds of his career he ignored families and focused on the person struggling with the addiction. Over the last ten years through, he has been working with organisations geared towards helping families.

Jeff had a pivotal experience talking with fifteen parents who he was just about to start training to coach other parents. Their kids had had terrible substance issues and they wanted to help other parents through evidence-based ideas rather than the things they had been told for years and years. That series of interviews changed his view and helped him realise the huge pain families go through, the levels of motivation they have to help and understand and the huge resource they are in helping to produce change.

Jeff has spent the last ten years shifting his focus and trying to make the tools and information more accessible to families so that they can see that they do this, both themselves and in the community, that they don’t need professionals and that they can take this up and be effective.

The US has been a blaming society when it comes to substance abuse. This is gradually changing but it is still there. One message has always been that you have to detach. If your loved one is struggling you need to step away and take care of yourself. The tough love idea that you have to let someone hit rock bottom before they will change. This has nothing to do with evidence or effectiveness and is an approach that is heartbreaking for families who come scared, concerned and asking for help.

The 12 Step Programme is often considered to be the only solution for addiction. Jeff feels that it has helped many people and many families over the last seventy years. The problem is that it's a ‘one size fits all’ process. If it doesn’t help you then there must be something wrong with you and it’s your fault. It's a programme that has been both helpful and harmful because of its demand characteristics rather than an invitational approach.

The approach Jeff has been working on over the last ten years is called the Invitation to Change‘ which is an invitational idea rather than a command one. Its basis is in community reinforcement and family training, an approach called CRAFT which is the most powerful evidence based approach for helping families help loved ones. Before that, it was a case of letting go/detaching or confrontational interventionist approaches. What we know from CRAFT and other psychological based approaches is that you can take care of yourself and stay connected to them and that this is actually the most powerful way to help someone to change.

Jeff’s process starts by having to have an understanding of what the person you are trying to help is going through, to ‘Open the door to change by viewing your loved ones substance abuse by viewing it through another lens’. By shifting your perspective and starting to understand that you can step into their shoes. People do things because they are reinforcing. They act and behave because there is something in it for them. Substances are very reinforcing and they are reinforcing in different ways for different people.

Family members need to sit back and understand that their loved one is doing this not because they are morally reprehensible, lazy but because it makes sense to them in a powerful way. This creates an entirely different relationship and atmosphere – I still feel scared, I don't like or agree with it but I can understand it now. You’re a human being and these things mean something to you. This changes everything – what you’re doing makes me want to turn away to what you’re doing makes me want to turn towards you. The thing that changes is the understanding of their motivation.

The person struggling with the addiction is the one whose behaviour is not acceptable. The family is involved in a blame way. Studies about family support and family health show the barriers to are practical and economic but the major one is stigma. When a family member steps into the change process or treatment system they get blamed, ‘why didn't you see it earlier’ and there is shame and blame. It rips the family fabric of trust and safety apart and how you reengage is different for all families. Their values are different but most are invested in staying connected, of being loving and bringing safety, connection, respect and collaboration into a family unit that might have been damaged by the substance abuse.

Jeff feels Science and Kindness is what helps people change and that although strategies, understanding and data related research trial concepts are powerful without kindness the uptake and effectiveness is much less. Kindness is an evidence-based strategy as well.

You can find out more about Jeff at Center for Motivation and Change Foundation or The Beyond Addiction Workbook for Family and Friends: Evidence-Based Skills to Help a Loved One Make Positive Change, 

   You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Are your team disengaged?

Earlier this year Gallup reported that only 20% of employees globally are engaged so its quite possible that you work with someone who just doesn’t want to be there. Whilst an engaged workforce has a positive effect on business performance, disengaged employees can prove disastrous to an organisation so its important to realise when employees are starting to lose interest. Here are some of the things to look out for:

1. Arriving late, leaving early and generally bad timekeeping
2. A noticable drop in work output and quality
3. A change in working style with a preference for working in isolation
4. An increased number of unexplained absences
5. Not sharing ideas or fully contributing to the team
6. Making mistakes and missing deadlines when they were previously on top of things
7. An inabiity to, or disinterest in answering questions about their day-to-day role
8. Cancelling or rescheduling meetings with their managers or team members
9. A refusal to follow protocols
10. A negative reaction to change.

Once you have identified the signs of disengagement, you can start working on a plan to improve their engagement to get them back on track! Some of the ways you can do this includes:

1. Working with the employee to put a development plan in place - find out how they want to grow,  the skills they’d like to develop and potential growth opportunities
2. Setting goals with the employee so they feel more supported and can see how their work fits in with, and matters to, the organisation
3. Encouraging participation in one-on-one meetings so the employee can voice their concerns and wishes- then make sure you act on them!
4. Giving and getting regular feedback 
5. Recognising positive behaviour and strong performance in a way that the employee is comfortable with - a simple “thank you’ often works well!
6. Monitoring employee performance and potential to see if things are getting better on a continuous basis.  

Keeping employees engaged is a constant process that must be continuously worked on. Connecting and communicating effectively with employees can help you better identify and handle all levels of engagement.

Intimidating? Me?

Nobody likes working in an intimidating work environment. The problem is some people don’t know the effect they have on people. They think they operate in a collaborative culture and value input from their staff but the office goes quiet when they walk in, people won’t look them in the eye and are nervous when asked to complete a task!

Intended or not, intimidation implies a threat and some people just aren’t able to regulate their responses to others. They lack ‘Emotional Intelligence’. Their mood or emotional state makes them seem threatening and they use phrases and body language that are ‘too powerful’. That said, most people don’t deliberately try to intimidate their co-workers - it's obviously much better to motivate and inspire your team rather than intimidate them into action.

Whilst the intimidation could be created by something you can’t actually control, such as being taller and towering over other people, it is possible to change some of your actions to help foster an open environment where employees feel able to express themselves. 

• Look for what people do well and congratulate them

• Focus your attention solely on the person you’re talking to

• Be an active listener

• Ask how you can help

• Use open body language

• Maintain good eye contact and smile

• Admit to mistakes you make

• Try to be more relaxed

• Be a continuous, lifelong learner

• Ask for constructive feedback

Very few leaders set out to be intimidating. Most have a real desire to get along with their employees and build relationships based on mutual trust and respect but no one is immune to intimidating staff.

By better understanding how to moderate unspoken gestures and spoken reactions, being real with other people, setting aside the quest to win or be perfect, and being as compassionate to those around you as you would be to yourself means you’ll be better equipped to avoid being seen as intimidating.

Turn towards your dreams

Machiel Klerk is a licensed therapist and expert on dreams. He is founder of the Jung Platform, an online space offering psychological and spiritual perspectives to live a life of meaning in which you are connected to soul and is also the author of Dream Guidance, Hay House/June 2022).

Machiel became interested in dreams in his early 20’s. He was stuck in life, didn't know where to go and had not dealt with the grief of losing his father at a young age. He became fascinated by the works of Jung, which opened the door to the world of dreams. He realised how dreams could help people connect with their lives, with purpose, with the worldview about life and death and all the other fundamental aspects of existence.

Machiel saw that his dreams reflected his own internal dynamics and displayed aspects of himself that he wasn’t aware of. He saw unhelpful behaviours being played out by dream characters and would then ask where in his life was it from. Once he admitted to doing the same things, he could then correct the more destructive behaviours but he also saw that dreams could be used to point out direction and the way to go.

If you go back to the last dream or a very intense dream you have had, you will remember that you were in an environment – you were somewhere where you were having an experience. A dream is a world you find yourself in during your sleep. Your mind is still awake in the dream but you are not very aware so you forget about it and don't even know you are in the dream world. When you know that a dream is a world that you find yourself in you can have and practice experiences. Most research shows that this state of consciousness stays with us the moment we wake up so we continue to live in this world with the dream world co-existing.

You might want to be able to join in the your own experience of the dream to make sense of it. Once you are there it is possible to learn the reality of how the dream is constructed, how your own mind creates part of the dream and your emotions, expectations and intent. You can also ask for experiences or to be shown something important. This gives us an enriched sense of experiences and makes us elastic and better able to carry out the broad range of emotions feelings and experiences in this world and be more resilient and effective with a more enriched balance of the experiences of life.

It is possible to interpret dreams but there are huge limitations to this. Usually interpretations come from the idea that the dream is a letter that needs to be deciphered whereas it’s actually an inner world or environment. If you ask a question such as ‘I’m in a maze and I cant get out’ almost inevitably this is an experience you are having in your day-to-day life. Your dream repeats this and if you can start to slow it down, start to feel in your body what it feels like to be stuck, not to know how to get out, you can start training yourself to feel that you have to hurry up to get out of this. By slowing down and feeling it, you may be able to sustain the tension of not knowing so maybe something else can come up as well. There is a self-organising mechanism inside of us that offers very creative solutions for the troubles we find.

Nightmares are almost like dreams with the eyes open.  The dream life and this world seem to intersect. Dreams often deal with fear and almost always there is too much or too little fear in the individuals life. Research after World War 2 was done with veterans who started to write down and acknowledge their dreams about what had already happened. The positive impact was that by paying some attention to what’s was going on inside of them instead of running away they turned to towards it.

Some people have recurring dreams that they get stuck on. Something in our habitual consciousness or ego hasn't been picked up on. The dream is trying to communicate a different style of living that's more conducive but we continue to run towards the thing we are doing that's not effective. If you engage with the dream then the dream will start rearranging itself and providing ways to deal with it. Write it down, engage with it or talk to dream character so habitual cracks open and the energy in the dream will provide a different state of consciousness that is a better adaption to life.  Turning towards your dream and engaging with it is the key. By pushing it away it’s making the dream reoccur. Dreams are providing information to interpret something from the past or to prepare for something in the future.

Dreams are often seen as goals and can sometimes be the catalyst to great innovation. Some breakthroughs in science, music and other art forms come from spontaneous, helpful dreams. People can proactively consult with their dream as if it's a counselor or a helpful friend in their dream who who responds to heartfelt, genuine questions about their life. It's a way we can engage with the world of dreams.

 You can find more about Machiel at http://www.jungplatform.com or http://www.machielklerk.com

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.
Find out more about our innovative Resilience and Burnout solutions.

Living under the veil of domestic violence

Lara Sabanosh is based in Florida where, having retired from various roles in the government sector, she now has an advocacy role helping other people deal with domestic abuse.

Lara and her husband had been based at Guantanamo Bay in a civilian capacity for four years and had been married for twenty years. On January 9th 2015 they attended a Command function where they had an altercation. Later that evening he went missing and his body was found two days drowned in the Bay. In telling the story of his disappearance, the media portrayed him as a war hero and a wonderful husband and father but this did not tell the full story of their relationship. Lara was told not to say anything to the media and to keep quiet.

The evening her husband went missing he had assaulted her three times verbally and physically. Once his disappearance was reported a female agent was assigned to the case. Lara was trying to help her in finding out what had happened to her husband but the first thing the agent said was ‘why did you stay with him?’ Although she was trying to help she was being made to feel as if she was the bad person because she stayed with him. It was not a helped by the fact that the people who were questioning her were the same people he socialised with. Nobody was listening and the reports she had made against him were ignored.

People often ask why to people stay with the abusers. Lara feels that she became a military wife at a very young age. She was nineteen years old when she met her husband and was a college student with big plans for the future. She came from a close-knit family unit with no background in violence but she now realises that the stronger the ties became the more she lost herself. At the start of the relationship it was not abusive but again she now realises that there were some red flags before they got married. They had only dated for a short time, under a year, before they got married. They didn't live in same area and he would come and visit at weekends which didn't worry her at the time but she now knows he was breaking military law to come and see her. He had drug and alcohol issues and was driving on a suspended licence. There were incidents that happened which she now feels should have given her an indication about how he handled situations and that he was lying to her. After they got married these things became her problem.

Lara feels that domestic violence is not a new issue in the military, nor is it a small issue. When senior leadership fails to address these issues it becomes a foundational problem. There is a well established saying that ‘if the military wanted you to have a wife they would issue you with one’ and many senior leaders believe what happens in the house stays in the house.

Lara spent twenty years trying to figure out who she was and who he wanted her to be. She started to believe the things her husband was telling her and it didn’t matter what anyone else told her. She did something. She was the cause. She apologised for the reasons he was angry. She didn’t believe there was anyone else out there. There was nothing else left inside and she went through the motions to try to stop and slow down what continued to happen. In some ways she wished his abuse was more physical that verbal. It was so crushing and relentless.

Lara’s book Caged is a window into her life. As with nearly all trauma, there is a measure of healing to be gained in the sharing of her story, not just for herself and her family, but also for others who, like her who have lived under the veil of domestic violence for years. She offers a call to action for reform, encourages others to seek out help, and urges those in positions of authority to assess existing procedures and question certain long-standing policies.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Lara and her book Caged at www.LaraSabanosh.com

Moving on from alcohol addiction

Veronica Valli is a recovered alcoholic and drug addict, who has personal experience of what it takes to recover from an addiction. At the height of her addiction, she was unable to go to work without the aid of a drink and her life and confidence were in tatters. She got sober in 2000 at the age of twenty-seven and went into working in the addiction field as a Psychotherapist primarily because of her own personal history.  Since moving to the USA with her husband Veronica has written two self published books and has a new book coming out in February. She now works mainly as a coach with women who want to change their relationship with alcohol.

Veronica feels alcohol is part of the social fabric and that people who struggle with their relationship with alcohol do four things. 1. They drink.  2. They think about drinking. 3.  They think about not drinking. 4. They recover from drinking. People who don't have a problem with alcohol don't think about it because it doesn't rent any space in their head and take up energy. Veronica’s calls this bandwidth. You can do a lot with 70% bandwidth but what you can’t to is emotionally grow the way you’re meant to because you are spending that bandwidth arguing with yourself about whether you’re going to have a drink that night or not, whether you drank too much at the weekend or whether you should do Dry January.

Problems with alcohol start a long time before the external signs such as missing work appear. Only people with a problem think about not drinking - why would you be thinking about not drinking? People who don't have a problem think about alcohol the some way people think about sandwiches. It's the thinking about not drinking that's the indicator.

In the UK we have normalised abnormal drinking. People are seen as successful in the various areas of their life on the outside - they check the boxes, of having a job, a house and a car so not seen as having a drinking problem. If people go to work every day they are seen to be functioning and can appear to be OK. It may be that one part of a relationship is worried but the other isn’t concerned and feels they are functioning well. They still have a job and Veronica feels the job is the last thing to go because it’s where the money is and money is where the alcohol is. Typically though the relationship will break down before the job goes.

There is always the need to find support. The most common approach is the 12 Steps and Veronica got sober using this because at the time there where no other options. She found it very useful and always makes it clear that the 12 steps are simply ancient, spiritual wisdoms so we get into good enough fit enough shape to become alcohol free and then go and get some professional help. It’s a helpful approach but she feels there should be other options and that its not the perfect fit for everyone as some people don't relate or identify with it. It's a peer led programme and many people Veronica knows also have other issues such as limiting beliefs or relationships that need professional intervention

There is a difference in how alcohol affects the genders and the way of working with different genders. Veronica was part of Generation X and in the 90s binge drinking was sold as feminism. The belief was that if you drank like the boys it was equality.  To women of her generation abusive drinking normalized. Over the last five or six years though there has been a culture of alcohol being seen as a reward at the end of a stressful day. Perception is far harder if you drink, there is a numbing of feelings and a default to alcohol to deal with problems so you don't develop the skills you need as human beings to deal with disappointment or frustration. When you’re drinking you re not really alive, you’re not really present – you don't have all your band width – which is similar to the feelings associated with taking pills for  anxiety or depression. There is a feeling of walking through life thinking we’re are dealing with everything but not dealing with anything

Alcohol is marketed to women differently. There has been a rise in female led drinks such as Prosecco which are seen as being fun and glitzy – that if you’re not drinking you’re missing out. Women simply can’t drink as much as men and there are also unique problems woman have. If women going through menopause drink too much it makes the situation worse but drink is pushed on woman whatever stage of life you’re in. Male drinking is different. It’s more sociable as men tend to drink in groups whilst women tend to drink more on their own. Veronica feels that alcohol is one of the few ways men are allowed to express emotion, that it’s acceptable to cry on best friends shoulder if their football team lost. If alcohol wasn't involved men wouldn’t do that. There is no permission for men to express their feelings and alcohol gives them the avenue to express that.

Veronica feels that alcohol is sold as a belief system before we even start to drink. Not drinking is never presented to us as a option because drinking is what adults do. Alcohol is the best way to get to the land of fun, excitement, relaxation, belonging, connection rewarding yourself, romance and sex . That's what’s sold to us and who doesn’t want that? You want these things but if you feel inadequate alcohol will get you to that place. If you’re not drinking you’re seen as being boring and have to fight the social conditioning and stereotyping that goes with it.  It can be hard to challenge this on your own as the messaging is so clever and insidious.

Connection and community are essential to stopping drinking as we all need to have meaningful connections. We need people who really know us, who we can be vulnerable with – part of the reason AA has been around so long is that it provides community. At 27 Veronica lost all her friends because no one was staying in on a Saturday and she didn't have anyone to hang out with. When you stop drinking you feel like you’re the only one so you need to be with people who understand what you’re going through. It’s also powerful a bit further down the road to be with people who can say ‘I remember that’,  ‘I felt like that this is what I did’,  ‘this is how I feel now’. Seeing people who’ve been through it helps you think that it is possible for me. Connection is the most healing and life sustaining thing we can do.

Veronica’s latest book is Soberful,  a personal development programme that would be helpful for anybody not just people who have a problem with alcohol. Everybody has to do personal development work but most people don't realise that and just bumble along. An alcohol problem is a wake up call, you've got to do some personal wok on yourselves. We all need to exercise regularly for optional health and personal development are just exercises for our mental health that we need to do regularly as well .

 You can find out more about Veronica and her work at soberful.com or https://www.veronicavalli.com/ Her book Soberful is available via Amazon.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information here. Our upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

Raising awareness of Early Onset Alzehimer's

In  2010 Pat Moffett wrote his book ‘Ice Cream in the Cupboard’ about the true story of caring for his late wife Carmen who had early-onset Alzheimer’s. At the time Pat was still pursuing his long-term career in international logistics but after he retired in 2017 he had more time to devote to raising awareness of the illness. In 2017, by chance, he met another author on a plane and they exchanged books. Two days later Pat received a phone call from his new contact who told him that Pat’s story should be made into a movie.

There is little difference between Early Onset Alzheimer’s and Alzheimer’s, but many early onset patients still retain the physical strength associated with a younger person. This can put their caregiver in dangerous situations because Alzheimer patients can become very angry and agitated which can lead to violent behaviour. Alzheimer’s also accelerates more quickly in younger people and the medications used are generally more effective in older patients.

In Carmen’s case, Pat first noticed that they had started arguing a lot. Things had been quite busy so he decided to take her to Puerto Rico for a holiday. They checked in to their hotel and went out for dinner. Pat was looking across from the verandah of the restaurant and when he turned around Carmen hit him. She then ran out of the restaurant. When he caught up with her she was still very angry but they got a taxi and went back to the hotel. She then went straight to sleep.

Pat really didn't know what was wrong so he was really surprised when a while later she came out to the terrace where he was sitting and said she was really hungry and when were they going to eat. She couldn’t remember anything that had happened. Pat was so concerned that he got a flight home for them the next day.

When they got home things seemed to level off and go back to normal. She wouldn’t go to a doctor but after going food shopping one day Pat realised that Carmen had put the ice cream in the cupboard rather than the fridge. Pat knew he had to get her to see a doctor but the situation was taken out of his hands soon afterwards her employers realised there was a problem and suggested she get tested. She failed the test and came home that evening and told Pat that she had a ‘touch of Alzheimer’s’.

Pat highlights how importance it is for carers to take care of themselves otherwise the disease claims two victims. Some friends and family aren't so supportive when they find out someone they know has Alzheimer’s so often it comes down to hired caregivers.  Pat found a lady who he had experience dealing with Alzheimer’s patients and he thought he could go back to work but within 5 days Carmen had punched the caregiver and run away from her. Other helpers followed but the same problem occurred. Pat felt it was better to try and keep his job so the next step was to try daycare. He found a centre close to their home. It was very expensive but it worked well for a couple of weeks but he was then called from work as Carmen had punched a 90-year-fellow patient.

Luckily a legal case was not pursued but Carmen wasn’t allowed to go back to the daycare centre. It was then suggested that she be hospitalised so she could be tested to find out if it might be possible to use anti psychotic drugs to calm her down. She was monitored 24 hours a day and after being in hospital for three weeks Pat was told there were only three drugs that might help her and that there use might be limited. The drugs were so strong that they needed to be monitored constantly so the recommnedation was that she to go straight into 24/7 care. Whist in full time nursing care Carmen still had violent episodes but eventually, after nine years, her body started to fail and she died. Pat felt guilty because in many ways he had wanted it to come to an end because Carmen wasn’t the person he knew anymore.

Early on in the process of looking after Carmen, Pat realised he would need support from people who would understand what he was dealing with. He found a local support group but everyone was much older than him and didn't understand Carmen’s violent behaviour. He realised there was nothing for the carers of Early Onset Alzheimer’s patients so he started a new group with a social worker with regular meet ups for dinner whilst professional carers looked after their loved ones

It is thought that you can defer the onset of some Alzheimer’s though diet, stress reduction etc. There is a genetic risk though. Pats wife Carmen, her brother and two sisters were all were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in their 50’s and died in their 60s. When he tried to track back, Pat found out that Carmen’s father who had been an alcoholic, had also suffered from bouts of forgetful behaviour which at the time was put down to his alcoholism.

The motivation for Pat’s book came from the fact that he simply hadn’t realised that Alzheimer’s could affect people at such a young age. Consequently, many of the caregivers are very young themselves so they became the drive and inspiration to get the story out both nationally and internationally.

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Pat here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Pat and Ice Cream in the Cupboard at pat.moffett.com

Life in the Bipolar mind

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - Life in the Bipolar mind.

In this episode, Dr. Russell Thackeray talks to Bob Krulish who is based in Seattle, Washington. Bob suffers from Bipolar 1 Disorder that, due to a misdiagnosis, was untreated for a large part of his life.

Bob’s definition of Bipolar Disorder is that it is a mood disorder that ranges from mania to depression.  The mania symptoms include becoming very animated with expansive moods, having numerous ideas and projects on the go with lots of energy to pursue them, and not needing to sleep for days at a time.  The criteria and symptoms for the depression are the same as in major depressive illnesses - not being able to get out of bed, having no energy or joy and a lack of interest in anything, including the projects that were so important during the mania phase.  The mania and depression comes in cycles that need to be managed. With the right management, the episodes can become fewer and less severe.

Bob was 16 when he first started to have bizarre behaviours, but a doctor did not diagnose him until he was 51. Bipolar Disorder can make it very difficult to get through school, hold down a job or have a relationship. In Bob’s case he finished collage very late at 31 but as his degree was in Mathematics, he was able to find work in the insurance sector, first as an actuary and then as a product manager. He also married and started a family. Work was difficult though and he had to move from job to job because, as he spent more time with people, things would get worse. Eventually he was fired from his high profile job and he not only lost his job but his marriage of 24 years, children, and friends and eventually ended up homeless. He spent two years living off welfare, not working or seeing many people until he was finally diagnosed and started taking medications

There is some evidence that Bipolar Disorder is genetic. Bob’s father left his family when Bob was 16 but now, on reflection, Bob feels his father was Bipolar. If there is a genetic predisposition, a trauma or high level of environmental stress can trigger the Bipolar gene and, once it manifests itself, it becomes something that needs to be treated for life. There is also some correlation between Bipolar and high intellect, high functioning mathematical and creative abilities. Bob feels that during manic cycles people can accomplish incredible things that can move them into positions of importance, which they may not really be suited to.

Medication is the main treatment for Bipolar. Over the last 11 years Bob has used 20 different medications in 65 different combinations but over time and in close consultation with his doctor, Bob can now manage his cycles.  He has also undertaken talk therapy with a psychologist that has given him a greater insight into his illness and how to manage it. He has also developed some coping strategies. Triggers for cycles include stress and a lack of sleep so Bob now makes sure that he doesn’t allow himself to get into stressful situations and that he gets at least 8 or 9 hours of sleep each night. He has developed a more thoughtful and calm lifestyle at a slower pace and he starts each day with study and meditation at 4.30 to get into the day.  

A number of people who are Bipolar also have Anosognosia, a condition where a person can be cognitively unaware of having it due to damage to brain structures which leads to a deficit of self-awareness. This can make it even harder for people to realise they are Bipolar. Even without Anosognosia, during a manic cycle people will not feel there is anything wrong but this is the point where it is far easier for a doctor to make a diagnosis.

Bob’s book is called ‘When Screams Become Whispers’ and it is about the 35 years when he was undiagnosed and it aims to give readers an idea of what its like in the bipolar mind. Bob hopes that the book will help people who have symptoms get a sense of whether they might need to see a doctor – if you see yourself in book then you need to talk things through with someone. 

Bob now coaches individuals and families on how to live better with the disorder.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Bob here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available.

Please visit bobkrulish.com to learn more or his Facebook page Bipolar Solutions

Trends in Organisational Development

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled – Trends in Organisational Development

In this episode, Dr Russell Thackeray talks to Dr Jonathan Westover who is based in Utah and describes himself as a scholar/practioner. He has been an Associate Professor at Utah Valley University for 11 years and leads the Organisational Leadership Department which focuses on organisational development and change, human resource management, organisational behaviour and leadership. He also undertakes research on global comparisons in worker engagement and satisfaction, and the drivers of worker motivation across the world. Through his consultancy, Human Capital Innovations, Dr Westover helps organisational leaders better manage their people, improve leadership their skills and ultimately have high functioning organisations and teams that maximise the potential of their people.

There seems to have been a trend in the academic world over the last 20 years or so to stretch boundaries and come with new and interesting ideas to push forward organisational design and leadership. There have been academic and practioner fronts but academia has always tried to push the edge of knowledge. Although there have been major advancements in statistical methodologies that provide more insight into the theoretical world, the major principles and theories of organisational behaviour have been in place for decades. There have been tweaks and relabeling but no major advancements.

Dr Westover feels that this is because when organisational behaviour emerged as a stand-alone discipline originally it was an amalgamation of different social sciences and their take on organisations. Over time it became one discipline and it started to uncover the drivers for organisational human behaviour, group behaviour and effective leadership. These are in the main very down-to-earth, common sense ideas that sometimes get lost when fire fighting or in the day-to day grind. There is an ongoing need to remind people of the basic principles so they can be effective and drive innovative cultures but the major aspects have always been in place.

As a leading expert in global comparative studies as it relates to organisations, Dr Westover has studied the complexity of global systems as they influence organisational dynamics and the motivation of employees. One of the major things to come out of this is the recognition that a theory cannot be applied in the same way to every country and context throughout the world. Their needs to be a contextulisation of theories and their applications because they do not work in the same way in every country so generalised models break down.

Many countries still default to the west for ideas and best practice but although the principles can be similar there can be major differences. These need to be taken into any models or false conclusions about human capital, the workforce and skills emerge.  Ideas then emerge that there are problems with the workforce whilst the issue has more to do with the management structure, organisational style and work allocation.

Whilst leaders like predictability and consistency and would like to see generic policies and procedures across all their sites, if you’re a multinational based in 50 different countries it simply will not work.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Dr Westover here. Our previous podcast episodes and upcoming guest list are also available. a

You can get in touch with Dr Westover at innovativehumancapital.com