Healing from wounds. The Art of Scars.

Kathy Hagler has been an organisational consultant for almost 40 years but prior to that was a pianist, a mathematics teacher and a college dean. It was while she was working as a college dean that she first met one of her mentors, Dr Edwards Demings. When he discovered her background in music and mathematics, he offered her the opportunity to work with him and she travelled with him extensively across the US as his ‘Girl Friday’ for over twelve months. At the same time, she was doing a Phd at Claremont College where she met her other mentor Dr Peter Drucker who was her major advisor and he also went on to become a personal friend. Kathy has taken the thinking of these two pioneers of management forward through her practice K2OH Solutions where she focuses on culture and climate and the reciprocation between them using her Organisations of Character Model which embodies her belief that culture drives every aspect of development, learning, execution, and reflection.

In her childhood Kathy suffered from a number of illnesses. Later on, her twenty-year old son was killed in car accident and her husband died shortly afterwards.  Kathy herself was then diagnosed with cancer so over the years she has developed a number of scars. She feels though that she can relate to the physical, emotional and spiritual scars she had. She then realised that organisations are similar in that they too have wounds and, like people, they can break and can heal. Kathy uses the Japanese art of Kinstugi or "gold joinery” as a metaphor for healing scars with both people and organisations. An ancient Japanese art, Kinstugi repairs a broken object by emphasising its scars with gold powder which creates a unique version of the original object. Kathy’s vision is to introduce the idea to people and organisations that you can break but you can heal and that if we put ourselves back together with gold, we are stronger and more distinctive.

Kathy’s work with organisations has shown that fear is often present. Her process is to show organsiations how to turn fear and brokenness into healing and then understand that they have healed from their wounds. Fear sits in the subconscious but this is the culture of the organisation so we can find out where the fear is coming from.  The fear can be removed and raised up into the conciousness so they can innovate and be better than before.

Kathy understands that people and organisations are imperfect and emphasises the importance of being upfront and honest about our flaws and mistakes. She helps organisations heal these “wounds” as she transforms organisations to one of character, trustworthiness, and resilience.

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Kathy here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list is also available along with our previous blogs.

You can find out more about Kathy here.

Cycle of Lives – Emotional connections with cancer

David Richman is an author, public speaker, philanthropist, and endurance athlete whose mission is to form more meaningful human connections through storytelling. He competes in Ironman triathlons and a wide range of endurance athletic events and has recently completed a solo 4,700-mile bike ride in 41 days. This was to connect with the people who contributed to his book Cycle of Lives, which shares the interconnected stories of people overcoming trauma and delves deeply into their emotional journeys with cancer.

David’s career working for a Wall Street firm was incredibly stressful. During the financial crisis he was managing up and down and things got very tough. He suffered from both external and self-inflicted stress – was overweight and a smoker, did no exercise and had four-year old twins, as well being in a relationship with an abusive alcoholic. He needed to make a change but it wasn’t until his only sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer that he started to change his life around.

He says it was like a light switch going on. His whole life he had been trying to be an overachiever for other people – a good kid, a good student, keeping his boss happy, impressing his employees. Whatever it was doing he was looking for external gratification. Eventually he understood the concept of having to do things for yourself and when he realised this, he took control of his life.

David combined the thought that his best days were ahead with forgiving himself for his past mistakes. He stopped smoking, lost weight and become physically active. He stopped worrying about what other people thought about him and his work and instead concentrated on what he thought about himself and his work. He feels it's very freeing to accept the idea that nobody is watching you and nobody cares about what you do. Everybody has their own problems and own life to deal with. We believe other people are judging us but really they’re not.   When David started doing endurance athletic events he soon realised that no one was taking any notice of what he was doing, what training he was undertaking and where and when he completed an event - he was just doing it solely for himself.

David grew up not wanting to upset his mother and he realises now that is where not doing things for himself or learning self-sufficiency or forgiveness started. Everyone has difficulties so it’s important not to compare yourself to other people. Your life is your life and some people are going though unbelievably traumatic experiences. He talked with his sister through her end of life journey and then went on to do an endurance event to raise money for the cancer centre that had cared for her. Through the contacts he made he realised that many people have great difficulty communicating the emotional side of trauma and cancer.

He decided to write a book that could help people deal with the emotional side of cancer such as how trauma affects the cancer or how we can better relate to someone going through cancer. He found a number of people with a wide range of emotional responses to cancer - doctors, nurses, patients and relatives - and talked to them about their stories. When the book was finished, he wanted to connect with the people he had worked with so organised his bike trip to meet them all. All the profits from book go to charity. Each of the participants came up with a charity they had an affinity to and the proceeds of sales will go to those charities.

As well as raise money, David’s aim is to start the conversation. He feels we all need to try to live our best life but do it because its what we want to do. What matters is the state of happiness that we choose to surround ourselves with and the emotional connections we make with people in life!

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about David here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs also available.

You can find out more about David here.

Never good enough – recovery from an eating disorder.

Faith Elicia has been on a seven-year path of recovery from an eating disorder. Though it there have been many highs and lows, but most importantly, there have been opportunities for growth and change. Her new book, Do You See What I See? Is based on her experiences and follows her journey of recovery from her eating disorder.

Although not a professional in the eating disorder field, Faith has worked closely with psychologists and dieticians during her own recovery. She feels that anyone suffering from an eating disorder has a distorted body image of themselves and also uses maladaptive coping mechanisms to focus on food or their bodies rather than their feelings. It can appear as if they are functioning but their feelings are numbed because their focus is on binging, purging or restriction.

Faith feels that eating disorders are not really talked about as much as other addictive behaviour although there are some very sobering statistics with 9 percent of the U.S. population having an eating disorder in their lifetime. Eating disorders cross gender, race, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic groups and are among the deadliest of mental illnesses. Anyone caught in the downward spiral of continually obsessing about food, weight, and body image, needs support to free themselves from this dangerous illness. 

The most well known eating disorders are Anorexia, Bulimia and BES (Binge Eating Disorder) but there are a number of others. They can start for many different reasons but a common factor is some type of trauma. This could be emotional, physical or sexual but there is usually an internal belief that the person is not good enough. This belief can then morph into an eating disorder and this can sometimes occur in conjunction with another disorder such as anxiety

Faith’s Father was an alcoholic and although he sought recovery in later life in her childhood her was drinking and she was always in fight of flight mode from a young age. This led to deep routed emotional suffering which was hard to clear away. She depended on her mother emotionally and didn't believe she could do things on her own so no matter how in control she seemed externally, she felt completely different inside.

There are some professions, particularly those with a high media profile such as acting, where there is huge pressure on body image.  In America the ideal is to be very thin and there are constant messages to children that this is the norm. The obesity rate is very high in America and 7 or 8 year olds are talking about dieting to obtain the ‘perfect’ airbrushed images put forward as the ideal. It’s therefore important to use the right language, for instance that exercise is for the right reasons not for maladaptive reasons. It’s also important to be aware of what sites young people are looking at – sites that promote eating disorders and set a pattern that is very difficult to get over.

There are some noticeable signs that someone is suffering from an eating disorder.  Talking about their body a lot, skipping meals, picking around food, disappearing after meals and starting to exercise a lot are some of the more noticeable ones. But sufferers can be very good at hiding their problem and not letting other people know what’s going on.

Faith feels that the smallest things can be the biggest milestone, that small actions add up and can change thinking. It’s hard to believe you’re deserving when deep down you don’t believe it but practicing self care and gratitude has helped Faith change how she looks at herself and now knows that she ‘deserves it as much as anyone else’.

People not suffering from an eating disorder believe that saying “No!” to self-destructive behaviors should be easy but it’s not. It can be a daily struggle with no single solution. Instead it’s a journey of stops and starts but through learning various strategies it is possible to break its hold. 

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Faith here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Faith at faithelicia.com

High sensitivity. A gift or challenge?

William or Bill Allen is based in Florida. About 10 years ago he took early retirement from his IT managerial role at a large financial institution and decided to do something completely different by starting his own company based in Oregon which specialised in hypnosis, coaching and nuerofeedback brain training. Through this he met a lot of Highly Sensitive People and started his blog, The Sensitive Man which explored the personality characteristic of high sensitivity, particularly in men.

Bill feels there are a lot of men, himself included, who struggle with the sensitive trait they have. After writing his blog for a couple of years he then used it, along with his own personal experiences, as the basis for his book Confessions of a Sensitive Man, An Unconventional Defense of Sensitive Men. Bill thinks that sensitivity is neither a male or female trait and that for many years’ men have been subjected to an outdated idea about what masculinity entails. Culturally there have been huge changes over the last 50 years with changes to the male and female roles and there has been some confusion around this. His aim now is to help men understand that sensitivity, which was once thought of as solely a female trait, is actually a human trait.

Sensitivity can be seen to have some negative correlations for men because its thought of a ‘weak’ characteristic. Vulnerability is a thing men cannot allow themselves to be and Bill feels this has led to the increase in suicide in men because they can’t recognise this characteristic in any way. Cultural icons in films and books supersede all the emotions people have so there is a cultural expectation for men to behave in a certain way. Bill thinks that if sensitivity is seen as something negative there maybe a need to reframe the term to reach men who may feel unable to embrace their highly sensitive natures within their existing environment.

Bill follows the work of Dr Elaine Aron in defining the four specific characteristics that make up high sensitivity. Dr Aron uses DOES as a way of summarising high sensitivity. D = depth of processing, O = overstimulation, E = emotional responsivity/empathy and S = sensitivity to subtleties.

High sensitivity can be seen as a gift or challenge. Bill feels it’s about going against the cultural norm by either suppressing or embracing the gift in the way we interact with our environment. Some HSP’s have difficulty dealing with criticism and overreact and this can lead to overthinking and becoming super-cautious.  Bill feels there are challenges that need to be managed and that training may be needed to manage overwhelm and the way HSP’s react to things that may seem trivial to other people. Maybe there is a need to be more mindful to manage the challenges and embrace the gift part of it.

The motivation for writing his book came from the fact that he had some HSP boys as clients and he thought a book would provide a way of sharing his knowledge and experiences with younger men and boys. The book covers topics that interested him as well as his personal experiences. Growing up in the Southern United States as a highly sensitive man, there were huge contrasts between his sensitivity and the ideas of the time on masculinity. Moving forward though he feels the rigid definition of masculinity is changing through the Millennial and Gen X generations having a far more ‘open door’ attitude to the idea of high sensitivity and allowing themselves to embrace it.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Bill here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

Find out more about Bill at his website The sensitiveman.com His book Confessions of a Sensitive Man is available here.

Understanding what’s important … and what’s not. Love after 50

Francine Russo is a widely recognised journalist who covered the Boomer beat for Time for over a decade as well as writing for Scientific American, The Atlantic, and other major publications. 

Over the last two decades the number of divorces in the over 50-age group has rocketed and there are a lot of people looking for new partners. Francine herself was widowed twice before she found her current partner and was asked by many people for advice on meeting people and building new relationships. She realised that over the years she learned a lot about herself, about dating and about resilience as well as the more practical tools such as online dating so Francine her latest book Love After 50: How to find it, enjoy it and keep it, is designed to be both practical and psychologically helpful.

Studies have shown that love after 50 is more satisfying than at any other stage in life. Francine feels that people are more emotionally stable, more focused on the present and know not only what they have to have, but also what they can live without. Partnering is no longer about building a family, career and fortune. It’s about sharing intimacy as grounded individuals. And sex isn’t a pass or fail anymore, but about becoming erotic friends.

Dating brings the opportunity to reconnect with people but before reconnecting with the active world and meeting new people, it’s essential to get over previous relationships. If people start dating when they’re bitter, angry or lack confidence it will never work. People need to be OK with themselves – to be comfortable with themselves and their life as a single person before they can start to build new relationships.

Using social media and online dating sites can be a good way to ‘try’ a relationship, and ‘catch and release’ so, if after a couple of months things aren’t working, it’s time to move on. Some people can tap into any neediness they perceive so it’s important to be sensible when judging potential partners and to remember that there may be feelings of rejection in some instances.

Francine feels that time negates relationships and that when we’re older there is a different structure to a relationship. The rest of life element can be more bittersweet. There may be more day-to-day time to share but the years together are limited so people often feel grateful for the time together and just let small annoyances go. 

Because they aren’t raising children or building a career, people tend to come together for love, companionship and mutual support. Some people choose to marry, others live together or live apart. Some see their children and friends together and build a joint social life whilst others keep their lives separate and simply spend the time they want to together. There can be some problems if children are unhappy or unsure about a parent building a new relationship so it’s better to start with limited expectations about blending families. It’s not essential to work as a unit, just decide what to do together and what to do apart and to understand what’s important and what’s not

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Francine here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

Francine’s book Love after 50 is available here.

Choose your struggle. Conversations about mental health, substance abuse and addiction.

Choose your struggle. Substance abuse, addiction and recovery.

Jay Shifman’s mission is to encourage difficult conversations and honest education around the issues of mental health, substance misuse, and addiction. A storyteller, speaker, podcaster, and event host, Jay entered recovery himself in 2010 after struggling with mental health and substance abuse problems for half a decade  following a misdiagnosis in his teens which left him addicted to prescription pills. Jay is now in long-term recovery and, through his company, Choose Your Struggle, works towards his two distinct goals, to end stigma and ensure that those who struggle receive the help they deserve.  

Jay feels that there are a huge number of people trying to deal with substance misuse and addiction but that they don’t talk about it because of the stigma that's attached to it. Talking about it and encouraging fact based education is the way to break down the stigma

Jay decided to get himself off prescription drugs. He spoke with his doctor who advised him to stay on the medication but Jay wanted to know what it was like living without the drugs in his life. He had already attempted suicide so he thought that things couldn't get any worse. It was a case of lets see what happens.

If Jay had been addicted to something like heroin he could have accessed a lot of help but there is not so much assistance for coming off prescription pills You have to trust yourself. Jay stayed with his grandmother who was very supportive whilst he undertook a four-month Step Down Detox Programme which reduced the amount drugs he took each day. It was very hard and very scary. Jay worked with a therapist who helped him get off safely because it needed to be done in a managed way. The failure rate for people who simply go ‘cold turkey’ is very high.

Making the decision to get off the drugs is just the beginning of the journey. The journey itself tests both mental health and resilience. Jay feels it took five years before his physical and mental health returned.  This can be a problem when going into rehab. If you haven’t treated the underlying issues then they will resurface as soon as you go back to your ‘normal’ life. Jay thinks that it’s a two stage process – the first part is to get off the drugs so you can start to feel what it’s like to be yourself again and the second part is focusing on yourself so you can understand why were you struggling, what were the underlying issues you had and what you need to do to take care of yourself.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Jay here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

For more information about Jay and his work , visit: www.jayshifman.com or find him on your favourite social media platform.

Jay’s podcast is Choose your struggle

Don't waste the good moments. Covid and beyond.

Radha Ruparell is a global cross-sector leader with expertise in leadership development and personal transformation. She has worked with CEOs, Fortune 500 senior executives, social entrepreneurs, and grassroots leaders around the world and heads the Collective Leadership Accelerator at Teach For All, a global network of independent organisations in 60 countries committed to developing leadership in classrooms and communities to ensure all children fulfill their potential.

The last year has been a difficult, traumatic one for Radha. She fell ill with Covid at the height of the pandemic and had to use all her leadership experience to navigate through the uncertainty and change it brought. It was April 2020 in New York and the first Covid wave was raging through the city.  Radha was on a conference call and started feeling breathless. Two days later she realised she had Covid. She was bedridden and because many of the hospitals were overrun and lacked PPE, she was told to stay at home. She did however end up in hospital and a year on she is still dealing with the symptoms that haven’t disappeared. These include mental and physical fatigue. Before Covid she surfed, ran and played tennis none of which she can now do. She tries to live a regular life but has to make constant adjustments.

Radha had to fall back on her reserves of mental toughness and needed to utilise all her leadership experience - how we manage ourselves, how we manage uncertainty and how we relate to one another. She needed to have  a strong support network and reach out for help. In the early days she couldn't speak without getting short of breath and was too tired to ask for help. Only a couple of people were aware she was ill and then a work colleague reached out. Radha had grown up thinking she shouldn’t share her personal troubles. She always toughed it out, but when she was ill she realised that being strong is the opposite – its about being able to share things, about what you’re feeling and your fears and vulnerabilities. It was a lifeline having a couple of consistent people in her life. She doesn’t think she would have been able to get through it otherwise.  

Radha also realised the importance of slowing down and asking what is going on within us, of taking a moment to check in with yourself so you’re not defining yourself by a situation and can rationilise it. Part of this is to understand the power of language and what we tell ourselves. The way we frame language can be destructive and we need to change it. Instead of having a bad day we have an off moment then every moment after that we have a choice.

Radha started writing her book when she was ill. Initially she wrote a two page article for her family and friends which reveled some of the things she had learned during Covid  - applying life and leadership lessons, how to be resilient , and how to slow down, discover inner strength and be vulnerable. Within two weeks 20,000 people had read it!

One of the takeaways from the book is how we deal with uncertainty. One of our biggest mistakes is that we resist uncertainty.  When she was ill Radha  had brain fog and couldn't read words on a page. She kept trying until she realised resisting was not helping – she couldn't do the things she usually did so needed to accept this was the current situation. She needed to be more creative and operate in a different way and realise that you can hold two conflicting ideas. You can accept what is happening and still be curious for what might be possible.

Sometimes it takes a catastrophic event to wake us up. These turning points can be terrifying but we all encounter them in our lives. The real question is: how will we face them? Despite our knee-jerk reaction to hang on to what’s “normal,” disruptive moments are exactly what’s needed to transform ourselves and the world around us.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Radha here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Radha and her book at Brave Now: Rise Through Struggle and Unlock Your Greatest Self   

From Sicily to the UK. How to overcome judgment and build confidence.

Claudia Tinnirello is an international bestselling author and the CEO and founder of web design business Sophisticated Cloud Limited. She is also a professional SquareSpace Web Designer, UX expert, former cookery chef and enthusiastic public speaker.

Originally from Sicily, Claudia has lived in England since 2005. Growing up in Sicily there was a mix of cultures but at that time it was still thought that women would get their college diplomas and then get married and start a family. Claudia didn't want to follow that route, she wanted to do something more with her life and be financially independent and her starting point was studying to get to university.  

After she finished university she started looking for a job, something that can be very difficult to find in southern Italy. A friend who was working for a call-centre in the UK told her that the company was looking for a new agent who could speak Italian, English and French. Having studied English at school, the UK was always somewhere that had interested Claudia. So, at the age of 23 she decided she would move to the UK. Her initial idea was to stay for four months but she has never left!

She was on her own when she arrived in London. She didn’t have anyone to guide her so she had to learn a lot very quickly! She didn't particularly like her job which was in a call-centre dealing with technical systems. Her training was in three languages which she found very tough. She had thought her English was good but when she arrived she couldn't understand what people were saying to her or be understood herself.  This came as a real shock and she struggled for a while but realised that the only way forward was to spend time with English people. When some people move to a new country they find it more comfortable to be with their own community but Claudia intentionally didn't mix with Italians because she wanted to integrate and learn the language properly.

Claudia feels that her resilience came from the fact that she was the first woman in her family to leave Italy on her terms. Her family didn't want her to go so Claudia feels her resilience was based on pride – although she wasn’t really happy initially she was going to stay because needed to make the point that she could do it. As time went on she became stronger and it became easier.

After being made redundant four times, the last time after ten years with the same company, Claudia had started to lack confidence and become unsure of what to do next. She spoke to a life coach who suggested she join Toastmasters International to try to and restore her confidence and control her nerves and fear of public speaking. When she was younger she feels she missed many opportunities because she was too shy and Toastmasters has helped her discover ways of becoming a better and more confident public speaker. So much so she is now President of the Toastmasters International Basingstoke Speakers Club.

Claudia feels that we can all do anything we want if we are persistent and fight for it. Even if things have been done for generations it doesn’t mean we cant do anything different. The most important thing is to not let society put a label on you.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Claudia here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Claudia at  www.SophisticatedCloud.com 


Changing lane. Making impactful change.

Jennifer or Jen Crowley is based in Chicago and is an author, certified life coach and leadership consultant.

In her 30’s Jen thought she had life she was meant to have. Married with a son, she also had a high profile job as Vice President and General Manager of a wine distribution company. Suffering from all the stress and anxiety that goes with juggling a high pressure role and family life she then went through what she refers to as a six year character building period. Her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, then a while later her father was badly injured in a motorcycle accident. Both are now happily retired in Florida but as the only child, Jen had to provide considerable support. Then, the president of the company was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and died very suddenly. Jen was emotionally and physically exhausted and wasn’t taking great care of herself.  Her job defined her so when the company was then sold to a large international group she decided to stick with it. There was an interesting and demanding integration period and as she went into her 40’s her life was very demanding – she was fighting for resources at work, fighting for time with her son and struggling in a marriage that was no longer working.

Finally, Jen and her husband divorced and at this point she started taking much better care of herself. She was eating well, meditating and communicating much better with the people around her. She became a coaching mentor at work and came to realise that people were comfortable around her. They would talk to her about their work, their anxieties and what was happening with their family and Jen found that trying to help people was the part of her job that she enjoyed most.

Six years after the company had been sold Jen realised that life wasn’t supposed to be so hard and took the decision to leave her twenty year wine career.  At 45 she decided that she needed to figure out what was going to happen next. She didn’t have any plans apart from taking three months off to get her head as clear as possible. Over the next three months she realised that although many people thought she should be happy because she seemed to have everything she needed, she wasn’t. She needed a different path where she could help other people. Initially she worked as a consultant to entrepreneurs but after a few months he made the decision to move into coaching.

Jen now works primarily with women looking to make impactful changes in themselves and in their lives. With a background in science, Jen’s approach to change is process driven and built around the importance of getting ready for change and then implementing it. In her coaching she deals with widespread issues, but many of her clients are in similar situations to the one she found herself in. Woman in their 40 ‘s who are realising that they are not happy, not doing things that they think are important or meaningful to them.

Jen feels the key to change is having open conversations and asking questions that dig down into what people really want. Sometimes people are so busy taking care of everyone else they simply need the time and opportunity to think and talk about themselves.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Jennifer here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Jennifer at  changeablecoaching.com

Raising awareness of Early Onset Alzehimer's

In  2010 Pat Moffett wrote his book ‘Ice Cream in the Cupboard’ about the true story of caring for his late wife Carmen who had early-onset Alzheimer’s. At the time Pat was still pursuing his long-term career in international logistics but after he retired in 2017 he had more time to devote to raising awareness of the illness. In 2017, by chance, he met another author on a plane and they exchanged books. Two days later Pat received a phone call from his new contact who told him that Pat’s story should be made into a movie.

There is little difference between Early Onset Alzheimer’s and Alzheimer’s, but many early onset patients still retain the physical strength associated with a younger person. This can put their caregiver in dangerous situations because Alzheimer patients can become very angry and agitated which can lead to violent behaviour. Alzheimer’s also accelerates more quickly in younger people and the medications used are generally more effective in older patients.

In Carmen’s case, Pat first noticed that they had started arguing a lot. Things had been quite busy so he decided to take her to Puerto Rico for a holiday. They checked in to their hotel and went out for dinner. Pat was looking across from the verandah of the restaurant and when he turned around Carmen hit him. She then ran out of the restaurant. When he caught up with her she was still very angry but they got a taxi and went back to the hotel. She then went straight to sleep.

Pat really didn't know what was wrong so he was really surprised when a while later she came out to the terrace where he was sitting and said she was really hungry and when were they going to eat. She couldn’t remember anything that had happened. Pat was so concerned that he got a flight home for them the next day.

When they got home things seemed to level off and go back to normal. She wouldn’t go to a doctor but after going food shopping one day Pat realised that Carmen had put the ice cream in the cupboard rather than the fridge. Pat knew he had to get her to see a doctor but the situation was taken out of his hands soon afterwards her employers realised there was a problem and suggested she get tested. She failed the test and came home that evening and told Pat that she had a ‘touch of Alzheimer’s’.

Pat highlights how importance it is for carers to take care of themselves otherwise the disease claims two victims. Some friends and family aren't so supportive when they find out someone they know has Alzheimer’s so often it comes down to hired caregivers.  Pat found a lady who he had experience dealing with Alzheimer’s patients and he thought he could go back to work but within 5 days Carmen had punched the caregiver and run away from her. Other helpers followed but the same problem occurred. Pat felt it was better to try and keep his job so the next step was to try daycare. He found a centre close to their home. It was very expensive but it worked well for a couple of weeks but he was then called from work as Carmen had punched a 90-year-fellow patient.

Luckily a legal case was not pursued but Carmen wasn’t allowed to go back to the daycare centre. It was then suggested that she be hospitalised so she could be tested to find out if it might be possible to use anti psychotic drugs to calm her down. She was monitored 24 hours a day and after being in hospital for three weeks Pat was told there were only three drugs that might help her and that there use might be limited. The drugs were so strong that they needed to be monitored constantly so the recommnedation was that she to go straight into 24/7 care. Whist in full time nursing care Carmen still had violent episodes but eventually, after nine years, her body started to fail and she died. Pat felt guilty because in many ways he had wanted it to come to an end because Carmen wasn’t the person he knew anymore.

Early on in the process of looking after Carmen, Pat realised he would need support from people who would understand what he was dealing with. He found a local support group but everyone was much older than him and didn't understand Carmen’s violent behaviour. He realised there was nothing for the carers of Early Onset Alzheimer’s patients so he started a new group with a social worker with regular meet ups for dinner whilst professional carers looked after their loved ones

It is thought that you can defer the onset of some Alzheimer’s though diet, stress reduction etc. There is a genetic risk though. Pats wife Carmen, her brother and two sisters were all were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in their 50’s and died in their 60s. When he tried to track back, Pat found out that Carmen’s father who had been an alcoholic, had also suffered from bouts of forgetful behaviour which at the time was put down to his alcoholism.

The motivation for Pat’s book came from the fact that he simply hadn’t realised that Alzheimer’s could affect people at such a young age. Consequently, many of the caregivers are very young themselves so they became the drive and inspiration to get the story out both nationally and internationally.

 You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Pat here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Pat and Ice Cream in the Cupboard at pat.moffett.com

Escaping the box. Breaking free from anxiety.

years and built her career despite suffering from anxiety, panic attacks and OCD for 40 years. Over the last few years through she has done a lot of work to try to find freedom from the disorders that have disabled many areas of her life.

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, anxiety-related disorders are the most common mental illness in the United States, affecting more than 40 million adults aged 18 and older. Anxiety disorders also affect more than 25 percent of teenagers ages 13 to 18.

Wendy considers anxiety as being the feeling of being in a constant fight of flight mode. She grew up in chaotic household with untreated, generational mental health issues. She took on ideas and thoughts about her safety, the safety of other people and the safety of the world - things a child is not equipped to deal with. From the age of six she suffered from panic attacks and the feeling that she needed to control her surroundings to try to calm down her anxiety.

By achieving things externally Wendy felt it would cure her from what was going on internally but she reached rock bottom with her mental health issues when she had had achieved all the things she thought she needed. Although she had a house, a husband and a career she loved, inside the box she was still struggling.

Wendy now realises that she tried to mask her anxiety by adopting perfectionism and people pleasing traits.  Her role as an attorney involved a huge amount of work and it’s something she was, and is, proud of. It provides a sense of achievement and makes her feel that she is helping people but now she thinks it was also another way of trying to make her parents proud of her and to make her feel better about herself.

Finally though Wendy realised that no physical sensation comes without a thought preceeding it. That you need to cultivate awareness and recognise where your anxiety is being stimulated and what thoughts are behind it. The roadmap to change is to find the thoughts behind it, understand that these thoughts are optional and then choose new ones that serve you better. Thoughts create an emotion or feeling which stimulates an action that creates the result that you live with. You’re reacting based on an emotion.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Wendy here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Wendy at www.WendyTamisRobbins.com Wendy is also the author of The Box: An Invitation to Freedom from Anxiety,

Breaking the code. Life how you want it to be.

Rusty Gaillard is a transformational coach who works with people who are ready to make a change. Whether it's a career dead end, being bored or unhappy in their chosen path or working too hard, Rusty works with his clients to transform their lives and find work they love.make a change.

Before he was a coach, Rusty spent 13 years at Apple. He was Worldwide Director of Finance when he realised that it wasn’t what he wanted to do for the rest of his working life. He had no aspiration to continue climbing the corporate ladder, didn't want to work for another tech company or foe a consultancy. He felt stuck and that the situation was hopeless. He wanted to do something new and different but didn’t know what it was.

It was a challenging place to be. From the outside things looked really good and in many lots it was but there was something missing. In such a big company is it really possible to make a difference? When you put all your energy into work what will you have to show for it? What is the purpose of what I’m doing? You don’t find it meaningful but how do you find a different path?

Rusty did everything he was meant to do. He checked all the boxes and became defined by his job but his heart wasn’t in it. He didn’t feel he had got what he was meant to have got. He became less passionate about his job and less motivated.  He did what he needed to do and became responsive rather than proactive and didn’t have the drive to move things forward. So what was the first step he took to change his life around?

Rusty thinks that we all work towards a code, a pattern or belief system that we follow in life which can be very difficult to change. In Rusty’s case his code was to work for a big corporation, be a good employee with a stable job, and to be in a successful marriage with children. He needed to break this code before he could change his career path. It was during this time that Rusty got divorced and this external change was how he broke the code he was working towards. The divorce affected his self-confidence and self-image but coming through it broke the pattern and belief system and gave him the ability and confidence to move forward.

Without a big issue like divorce it is still possible to break the code. We need to find something we really want to do, something that we’re willing to stretch to get it. We need to acknowledge the way we think about the world. Our code is how we see ourselves and we need to deliberately step outside the code to get what we would really like in life - what is meaningful or what life we want to create for ourselves. If we create a picture beyond our current code it becomes the motivation and the key to break the code.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Rusty here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Rusty and his work here. His book is Breaking the Code: Stop Looking for Answers and Start Enjoying Life

New solutions for Pain Management

Georgie Oldfield is a physiotherapist who also runs a training organisation where she trains health professionals and coaches to integrate a mind body approach to pain management.

Georgie was working as a physiotheapist for the NHS in a community-based role. She was working with patients who were suffering from such high levels of pain that they actually unable to get to a clinic. There were not a lot of options available to help these patients and Georgie gradually became interested in alternative ways of managing pain. The results she was getting led her to leave the NHS in 2005 and set up her own clinic.

Shortly afterwards she woke up one morning with sciatica. She had absolutely no idea what had caused it but having just left the security of her NHS role, setting up a new business meant she was dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety. At the time she didn't think this was relevant until she went to see someone who actually asked her what was going on in her life. It was then she realised that she was holding the stress in her body and this was how it was manifesting itself.

So is pain a manifestation of a physiological or emotional problem, a physical one or both? Pain is a protect response, and body pain is perceived by the brain and felt in body. There is no evidence to link the severity of pain we feel with the amount of tissue damage we have so it’s possible to have severe pain but no tissue damage. If the body heals and the pain persists after body has healed you have to ask why. If it’s not anything to do with the extent of the injury, it can be about whether we are anxious, depressed, have negative beliefs about pain or a past trauma.

There are a number of factors that surround how we perceive pain. There are also a lot of different triggers or causes of pain. Anxiety, depression, anticipation or fear of pain can all affect whether we feel severe or less severe pain. Our attitude to pain can also affect the degree of how we feel pain as does our personality and behaviour. It’s not just current stress that can produce pain. Things from earlier on in our lives can affect us too, such as adverse childhood experiences which are also more likely to impact on ill health later in life.

Living with chronic pain often means you become focused on the pain, which then fuels the pain itself. Understanding persistent pain is an empowering experience as sufferers realise pain is within their control.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Georgie here. Our previous podcasts, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more about Georgie and her work at https://www.georgieoldfield.com/ Her book is Chronic Pain : Your key to Recovery

Moving on from gambling addiction. The importance of love and support.

Patrick Chester started gambling in his late 20s. It was something he grew up with and it was portrayed as something that was commonplace. Initially it was a fun activity, something he did with his with friends. He was in his early 30’s when he got married to Erica in 2006 and it was after this that his gambling led him to start making bad choices, hide things from Erica and lie to cover up his gambling.

Over the first nine years of their marriage there was a slow progression of the lies and deception. Patrick was working for himself as a contractor and he started using the money he made and also borrowed more money to feed his gambling habit. In 2015 Erica’s family found out what was going on and got involved by arranging an intervention with a moderator. Patrick then went into treatment for a month and shortly afterwards had to go to jail for some crimes he had committed to feed his addiction.

Erica feels she has learned a lot the last six years. She had no idea gambling was an addiction and was not willing to give up when she learned how sick Patrick was and how he wanted to get better. She couldn't throw the towel in knowing it was addiction that was causing him to be sick and not reckless behaviour.

Often it is not just the addict who carries guilt or shame. It is only recently that Erica learnt to let go of a lot of this – should she have asked more questions, investigated more or not believed his stories. When they first met they had a lot of things in common - sports and the outdoors and she had no reason not to trust him. When she found out about the gambling she felt duped and angry but when she looked back she realised there were some missed red flags – some times her debit card didn’t work but Patrick would always have a reason for it and she believed him. The problem would be fixed but should she have demanded proof or better answers?

Patrick never came clean with Erica, rather he sent an email to another family member. Erica had a call from her Dad saying he needed to see her urgently because he had found out that Patrick had a really bad gambling addiction, they weren’t sure how bad it was but they were leaving now and meeting an interventionist. Erica had no control over anything as everything she knew came from a third party.

Her family put an intervention in place in 24 hours and the family met with the interventionist the day prior to the intervention. Erica doesn’t remember very much about it. She was in complete shock and very emotional. The interventionist explained about addictions, what it does to the body and brain and what would happen the next day. They all had to write a letter to Patrick saying that if you don't choose this lifeline, there is no place for you. It was a massive ultimatum. When he arrived Patrick realised what was going to happen. Once he got over his initial reaction he felt a huge sense of relief that things where coming to a head – he was ready for it.

Erica is indebted to her family. It was very surreal with everyone coming together. They were angry but they put that to one side and focused on fixing Patrick even without knowing the full extent of the problem. The focus was ‘lets get this figured out and get him fixed’. Once he had gone into treatment everything started to come out which for Erica was terrifying. She didn’t know the extent of what Patrick had done and he had used her social security number for fraudulent purposes and she was left to deal with everything. All her family were involved along with three different lawyers but it still took weeks to sort things out.

It has taken a very long time for Erica to forgive Patrick. Through counselling, Gam anon and researching the subject she managed to separate the person from the addiction – the person she married was not the person who did those things – but there was so much anger and hurt sometimes she thought it was all too difficult.

In the beginning she was very vigilant and almost paranoid but the more Patrick showed he was on the right path the more trust there was. They improved their communication style and she took charge of all their finances. Now she thinks that Patrick has done so many good things through his recovery that there is too much to risk. Patrick felt that the first couple of years were very difficult and frustrating at times but if he took a step back he realised that he had a chance to regain Erica’s trust. Now he feels they have built trust and transparency in life.

Erica feels that Gam anon was really helpful. She needed to know she was not the only one and relate to people going through the same things. This along with the specialist addiction therapist she worked with formed the basis of the team she built around her. She feels the most important ways of supporting someone with a gambling addiction is to educate yourself, don’t give up, to surround yourself with people who love and support you and not to make judgments. Patrick feels that when someone is in a gambling frenzy the most important thing is to tell someone that you are struggling - the disease will progress and won’t go away on its own. You need help and talking about it is the first step.

He also recommends that anyone who feels they has a problem gets in touch with Gamblers Anonymous and the National Suicide Prevention line in US or the Samaritans in UK.

You may also be able to access help in the UK at https://www.okrehab.org/

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Erica and Patrick here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

Living Love. Summers at Camp Jabberwocky.

Dr Steven Gardner is a Primary Care Internist at Massachusetts General Hospital where he works with adults with a range of issues. For the last twenty-five years he has also worked during the summer at Camp Jabberwocky, a special camp in Martha’s Vineyard for people with a range of abilities and disabilities. He was introduced to the camp through his son Graham who was born with Cerebral Palsy. Graham was unable to speak or to walk and needed help with everything but he was accepted as a camper at Camp Jabberwocky and Steven became a camp doctor. For thirteen years they spent summers with an eclectic group of campers and volunteers who formed a very unique family with and without disabilities who come together in the summer time in a beautiful place to live together and care about each other.

Cerebral Palsy or CP encompasses a wide range of brain and nervous issues that can range from mild to severe. Someone with a more mild form might have a limp but would be able to function perfectly well in other areas whilst a more severe form can damage the brain more profoundly would mean someone would be unable to speak, be in a wheelchair and need assisted technology and other people to help them physically although they are cognitively absolutely fine. In the past it was thought that CP was caused by birth trauma but now it’s more likely that its due to a problem such as a toxin or virus that occurs during pregnancy and is generally completely unknown to the mother.

Steven’s son Graham possessed an inherent dignity and radiance. He was never resentful and radiated kindness and love. He lived 22 years and passed away just before his 23rd birthday from an epileptic seizure when he was swimming in a pool with his father. After his death, the family received around 1500 condolence cards and they began to realise how Graham had touched a lot of people along the way – they had taken care of him but he had given them something back. His legacy was one of love and kindness, that we support one another, that we are one family and community and don't leave anybody behind.

Camp Jabberwocky was one of the first sleep over camps for people with serious disabilities. In 1953, UK actress Helen Lamb was working in Massachusetts as a speech therapist. She had to visit a number of children who were in wheelchairs and it made her angry that they had to spend summers indoors so she decided to take a few children to a place where they could spend the summer doing the things able bodies children did. She found an island 6 miles away from Cape Cod and in the summer of 1953 took 3 kids and 1 helper away for the first time. She didn’t really have a plan and had little money but did possess a belief that it was all going to work out. 68 years later it is part of the fabric of the area.

Helen created something really special. As well as the idea that love can abound and be shared, the camp works around fun and laughter. Laughter is an important part of resilience – it reduces stress the hormones and elevates the feel good hormones. Laughter also increases humanity and hierarchy quickly dissolves when you have fun with each other - Steven quickly became Dr Steve to everyone at the camp!

Most parents don’t stay at the camp but Steven was obviously an exception because of his role. As well as providing first aid for day-to-day cuts and bruises, Steven had to monitor all the serious underlying health issues that the campers but he was still able to go on adventures with his son and engross himself into the rhythms of the camp as a dad and doctor.

After Graham’s death the most difficult decision for Steven was whether to return to the camp. It would be painful without Graham but Steven knew that by going back to that special place and family, they would be loved and supported. Steven doesn’t know the reason Helen had in naming the camp but he thinks of it as a philosophy of living – to have open hearts and open minds, to embrace each other’s differences, to support each other, to laugh and create together and even to cry and argue together. This is what’s known as Jabberwocky love and every years when the campers and volunteers go back home they are always leave with the question - why cant the real world be more like Camp Jabberwocky?

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Steven here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

Graham’s life and Camp Jabberwocky are the inspiration and location that Steven celebrates in his book  Jabberwocky: Lessons of Love from a Boy Who Never Spoke 

You can find out more at Jabberwockybook.com. 

Building a life after loss. Healing from grief.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled -Building a life after loss. Healing from grief.

Julie Cluff is a speaker, author, international life and grief coach, and the founder of Build a Life After Loss. As a life and grief coach, she helps those who are grieving to rebuild their life after loss and is the author of the book Miracles in the Darkness, in which she shares her experiences with grief, including the death of her two youngest children in a car accident on Mother’s Day in 2007, and her journey back to hope and healing. 

Julie is based in Salt Lake City, Utah but is originally from Florida. She lost her brother to suicide when she was in her 20s and this was her first really devastating loss. Shortly after this, she went through another painful period when she was divorced from her first husband, which left her with three small children to care for. Then, on Mothers Day on 2007, she was travelling from her home in Texas to her in-laws home in North Carolina with her three youngest children. She didn’t feel at all tired but mid-afternoon she fell asleep at the wheel. She woke up between the east and westbound lanes of the highway and in shock tried to pull her vehicle back onto the road but then felt the wheels lift off the road. She can remember the vehicle rolling but then hit her head and couldn’t see anything. When the vehicle stopped rolling, she could hear her twelve-year old son James who had been sitting next to her crying. She knew he was alive and in pain but when she called to her other two children who had been sitting in the back of the car, Cary who was ten and David who was eight, she got no answer.   

When she started to come round and her sight returned she realised that they had been thrown from the car when it rolled. The police and ambulance crews arrived at the scene but Julie was stunned both physically and emotionally and wasn't unable to get to Cary and David. She was then taken to hospital with James but Cary and David were taken to different hospital and it wasn't until two hours later that she found out they hadn’t survived. The level of pain and grief she then experienced was unlike anything she had experienced.

Physically she was the least injured from the crash with a broken wrist and sprained shoulders but her injuries were more emotional including PTSD.  As well as the three children who had been in the vehicle with her she also had three older children who hadn’t travelled with them because of their school schedule. The accident had a huge effect on these surviving children. Julie wasn’t in a good place herself so it was very difficult to support them, She and her husband relied a lot on their family, friends, church members and neighbours who all came together to help. The whole family also sought professional help and saw a therapist to get some direction. Julie also went through two and a half years of therapy to help with her PTSD.

Julie feels that her previous losses informed her experience dealing with such a horrific accident.  As well as reaching out to friends and seeking professional help, Julie feels that what kept her going was the thought that she still had things to live for. She was in extreme pain and felt that it would have been easier to have died at that moment but she still had living children and her husband. It was difficult for her marriage but they muddled through.

The guilt was unrelenting. Julie feels that we don't talk enough about self-forgiveness which is as important as forgiving others. It took a long time for Julie to accept and forgive herself. Sometimes when we blame ourselves we need to accept that ‘it is what it is’ and then ask ourselves ‘now what am I going to do with it’? The thought that keep coming into Julie’s mind was that there was a reason why she was still here. When we lose someone we love, especially if we are involved in an accident and have survivor’s guilt, we need to see that there is a reason we are still here and tap into it. We need to look for a path forward and see the good that can still come from our life. Things can be different if we can work thorough and let go of the pain of a loss. The loss is still there but if we can work through the pain then we can look forward and see that although life is different it can still be great.

Grief is something we will all experience but most of us are uninformed about what is normal and what is not. Support often comes at the wrong time. There are lots of offers to help at the beginning but you often end up having to cope with everyone else’s grief. The offers tend to have disappeared later when you need it.  Support needs to be stronger than the challenge. We need to find the support systems that will be meaningful and encourage us to build hope. Julie knows how emotionally hurt she was when her brother died and her marriage ended but despite how hurt she was she was able to move through it and rebuild her life. Her thought was that if she could do it before it is possible to do it again. What we really need is strong hope – a certainty of hope so we understand that it is possible

When people talk about closure they are triggered into thinking they can never move on. The loss still exists therefore they cannot recover, but closure is not the closure of the relationship. People get confused and think that if they let go of the pain they let go of the person. They connect the pain with the person and we need to separate the two. Julie lives in love and gratitude to her children who died and lives in love and gratitude to those who are living – you can’t raise one above the other

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Julie here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and are also available.

You can get in touch with Julie through her website buildalifeafterloss.com were you an find a weekly podcast and the option for a Free Discovery Consultation. Her book Miracles in the Darkness is also available.

Rewiring the brain. Self-talk, self-image and making it reality

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - Rewiring the brain. Self-talk, self-image and making it reality.

Steven Campbell was a University Professor and Educational Dean in Northern California for over 20 years. Having initially worked in hospital administration, he went on to take his degree in Computer Science before going on to teach Psychology. The message he shares with his students is that ‘while I’m talking to you you’re also talking to yourself but 1000’s of times faster ‘. When people talk to you they use words but when we talk to ourselves as well as words we also use pictures and feelings.

In 1961, Dr. Albert Ellis wrote a book called The Guide to Rational Living. In it he suggested that our feelings about ourselves don't come primarily from how we are raised or our successes and failures but from our beliefs about how we were raised or our successes or failures. Some people say they don’t know what to believe and Steven feels that we want to know what we believe, we need to listen to what we are saying to ourselves – our self-talk.

One of the most exciting discoveries that psychology has made is that our brain believes what we tell it, without question. Everything we do today is primarily based on what we say to ourselves about ourselves, today. We can change what we are saying to ourselves about ourselves and our brain just doesn’t care if what we say is true or not. You could say to yourself “I’m not very good at Maths’ and your brain will say “Yes, you’re right. You’re not good at Maths” and then it will look for other times you got something wrong. However, if you say “I really like Maths’ the brain says ‘OK’ and then looks for ways to show it. So, if we say “I really can do this” the brain will say, “Absolutely” and find ways of doing it. The principle is that our brain listens to us and rewires itself based on the messages we give it. This is neuroplasticity. The way we are today is primarily based on what we tell ourselves today. When we say something it is the brains job to make it true.

We all also have thousands of self-images. We have a self-image for every single thing that we do, for instance as a father, husband, grandfather, teacher, or singer. Some self-images are really strong and others less so, but we are not born with them, they are all learned.  We are also born with certain natural dispositions or things that we naturally love to do. We may have had to learn how to do it, but the learning isn’t hard because it was what we could do naturally. So, our self-images are learned from our self-talk and our self-images are based on what we are saying to ourselves about ourselves, today.

What holds us back from learning, growing and changing is ourselves. If we replace our self-talk we will then replace our self-images. The more we talk the more it will becomes a reality. We need to take our self-talk and use it to make it work. It’s not about just having an opinion. Rewiring the brain takes time because the brain doesn’t want to change, it wants to keep us risk free.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Steven here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find our more about Steven at StevenRCampbell.com or find out about his book is Making Your Mind Magnificent – Flourishing at Any Age.

Resilience, burnout and the importance of self-compassion

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - Resilience burnout and the importance of self-compassion.

Dr Gail Gazelle spent a large part of her career as a hospice physician and end of life carer. Ten years ago she pivoted and retrained became an executive coach so she could help other physicians deal with what at the time was seen as an epidemic, physician burnout.

Dr Gazelle sees resilience as a deep well of resources that resides in each of us. Resilience is more than just bouncing back, it’s about reaching our personal or professional goals with the minimum unnecessary difficulty, whether it’s physical, emotional, spiritual or physiological. We all have goals but can run into obstacles and resilience helps us to reach our goals with minimum wear and tear.

There are many things that deplete resilience. Our life circumstances are often not within in our control. We can do little about where we are born, poverty, wealth, racism or other issues but some resilience comes with these circumstances. Another thing that can deplete resilience is not learning how to deal with our problems and being inflexible in how we approach them. We also don't learn how to work with our own thought processes. or have the fexibility of mind to work with our own mind. Additionally, we don't invest in the relationships that support us during hard times by connecting with people or nurturing and repairing our relationships.

The other area Dr Gazelle is interested in is burnout. Burnout can occur in a large variety of professions or workplaces. The thing that is universal is a lack of engagement and this captures the essence of what many people find in their workplace - that they are not being seen, they are not being given the time to do their job or being appreciated. Dr Gazelle feels that burnout is a feeling of being disconnected from our sense of purpose so that we become unfilled and emotionally exhausted. This is seen a lot in the healthcare sector and a result is that the focus of the person suffering from burnout becomes less on the patient on more on their own feelings. There is also a deep sense of pain which can stop them connecting with those they serve and should be taking care of. In other other professions burnout can lead to a loss of passion and caring and a sense of depletion and lack of direction.

Mindfulness is at the heart of resilience. It’s about awareness and paying attention to what’s right in front of us so we get to know our own mind patterns and understand when our mind is helping us or tripping us up. Mindfulness is different to self-awareness because mindfulness involves working with the judgments the mind makes and trying to bring more compassion and more kindness to ourselves and others.

Self-compassion is also a powerful tool that can help us find more inner peace, strength and motivation to deal with the challenges that come our way. Self-compassion is about responding to our own suffering in the caring way we would respond to a friend or a child who’s struggling. A Self-Compassion Break uses three different stages to directly experience the three components of self-compassion - Mindfulness, Common Humanity and Kindness. We need to bring compassion towards ourselves so that we are aware that we are struggling and going through difficulties. We need to remind ourselves that suffering is part of the human condition and this is what it looks like. By bringing the kindness to ourselves that we would give to someone else, ultimately builds greater kindness to ourselves.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Gail here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can find out more at www.gailgazelle.com

Dr Gazelle’s book is Everyday Resilience. A Practical Guide to Build Inner Strength and Weather Life’s Challenge

The body, mind and PTSD

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - The body, mind and PTSD.

Laura Khoudari is a trauma practitioner, certified personal trainer, and corrective exercise specialist whose work grew out of her own experience healing from trauma. She is based in New York and works with her clients to turn movement practices into healing practices so most of her work is done in the gym.

During the winter of 2014-2015 Laura designed a holistic program to support her own treatment for PTSD that combined talk therapy, mindfulness, bodywork, and strength training. As she put together a program for herself, she realised that practitioners who worked with the body (doctors, massage therapists, meditation teachers, and physical therapists) often did not fully understand how trauma impacted their clients.

Frustrated that there weren’t more people in the fitness space who were equipped to help clients living with trauma, she decided to become the trauma informed personal trainer and coach she wished she had had. Her holistic programs draw from body-based trauma healing modalities, neuropsychological models, psychodynamic theory, mindfulness practices, and exercise science.

Laura feels that when people think of trauma they link it to medical trauma or emotional trauma and ask why they are working with her in the gym. Trauma can mean many different things but Laura thinks it is unprocessed nervous system energy that is left in the body after you’ve gone through something overwhelming or had to deal with something to fast so your body didn't get the chance to process it.

People generally come to Laura in two different ways. The first group are people who have a trauma history and want to bring movement back in their life but are having a hard time doing it – people who are suffering from things like PTSD or CPTSD and can’t get back to the activity they used to do or their doctor wants them to do. Others are currently in treatment for trauma and are working with a therapist and want to build skills they can use in therapy to process trauma.

Laura feels when you are in therapy you need to be in touch with your body. In therapy you are talking about your thoughts and, to process your emotions and experiences, it is useful to be able to stay with sensations and what happens in our body we are doing this. This means it has a lot more meaning rather than just talking about what’s going on in your head.

Laura’s clients do not have to tell her their trauma story. She feels there is a lot of pressure for people to prove that they need help and to put their story out there through social media. Her clients have suffered a wide variety of trauma including addiction, eating disorders, chronic fatigue syndrome, sexual assault, and abusive relationships. Laura has had her own trauma experience and her own fitness story. As a child she didn’t like sport or gym but when she was 20 she suffered a back problem.  Her doctor recommended physical therapy and strength training but it wasn't until she was 27 she decided to commit fully to strength training. Over time she started to love the gym and the fact she wasn’t in pain any more so in her mid 30s she took up the sport of Olympic weightlifting. Outside of the gym she experienced an acute trauma and suffered from PTSD. Her relationship with the gym changed then and it went from being fun to training ten times a week. She got injured because she wasn't resting enough and when she came back after a number of months of physical therapy and strength training she realised what she had been doing was a problem and not the culture she wanted.

She found it difficult to find a trainer who understood that trauma overwhelmed her ability to go to the gym so she figured out how to do it herself. She decided she wanted train people who liked her loved the gym and found it empowering but understood the impact on physiology and the nervous system and work together to get you back to where you were in a slower, structured way.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Laura here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

You can get in touch with Laura through her website laurakhoudari.com where she writes a regular newsletter and shares resources. Laura is also the author of Lifting Heavy Things: Healing Trauma One Rep at a Time  

Strategies to deal with fear.

The latest episode in our Resilience Unravelled series has now been released, Resilience Unravelled - Strategies to deal with fear.

Lawrence or Larry Doochin is an author, entrepreneur and survivor of sexual abuse. As a child, he felt fear, anger, guilt and shame and it wasn’t until his late 20’s and early 30s that he began find strategies that helped him learn how to deal with and release fear. It was then that he started to move along an emotional and spiritual healing path.

Larry feels that fear is an emotion, a belief and an energetic in the body. Most people know the psychological part of fear that is built into our evolutional system. Larry refers to this as good or cautionary fear but there are different types of fear some of which we are not even fully aware of. These fears that lie under the surface could be a of not being successful, of not coming up to other people’s expectations, death, or of not being not lovable or worthy enough. Some are fears we feel individually and others collectively.

To determine what fear is, we need to watch our emotional reactions and how we interact in our experiences. This is called witnessing.  We also need to see how we are projecting so we can then bring these projections back in. This will not only show us our fears but also the beliefs that support them and the conditioning that created them. We can see how they are affecting us in our lives and experiences so we can make a start on changing them. Seeing what these fears are how they were formed helps us to lose those that are not useful.

Lawrence feels that we are too preoccupied with the past and the future, going back over memories and worrying about what might happen with no real solution or plan. This is when fear can take over so we need to become more aware of our own thoughts so we can pull our attention back to the present and reconnect with our ourselves in the now where fear cannot exist.

Fear does have a purpose. We will always need to have cautionary fears but fear can also be a good thing because it acts as a pointer as to what is not working for us. This then allows us to change and overcome our fears so we have a greater sense of ourselves and can live our lives the way we want to.

You can listen to the podcast in full and find out further information about Lawrence here. Our previous podcast episodes, upcoming guest list and previous blogs are also available.

Lawrence’s book is A Book on Fear: Feeling Safe in a Challenging World.

You can find out more at lawrencedoochin.com.